Your Favorite Annoying Teen

Magnetic

alimon89@gmail.com — Sun, 7 Sep 08 15:42:00 UT

I am a magnet to insanity.

Maybe it's why I'm listening to Gnarls Barkley themed music on Pandora right now. It is the vocalization of it with a tint of morbid that not even goth can capture in the meloncholy way that they do.

John Mayer's Continuum
Lenny Kravitz's Lenny
Gnarls Barkley's St. Elsewhere

Some of the main music that seems to be staying in my head lately.

I suppose I can only deal with things as they come to me but I think there is a big thing with CONFESSIONAL tattooed on my forehead sometimes. If it makes me stone hearted and bitter then maybe because it requires some acid to get rid of the base of pain and insanity. I'll try my best but I can't guarantee results.

Possibly anorexic friend.
Another one the result of ridicule for being far out and doing what works for their...No wonder for their paranoia.
One going through possibly anxiety and never vocalizes their fears though I know they are there and know the power of such things to eat away.
Another rather mistreated by their significant other which bothers me.
This list just goes on.

Fucking hell.

I won't let it pull me down but man...If I start to care and want to do something to help forgive me. If there is nothing I can do then forgive me again. The shit can be tiring.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just remembering this breathing thing is all.
At least I feel my muse starting to stir a little bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I finished Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer. Holy god...let me go vomit now.

Thank goodness I bought Ellen Hopkin's latest book called Identical today. Her books are always crazy but there is a rawness to them I like. I've been hooked since Crank but Impulse is probably my favorite. Really really like that book.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My week flew by. This weekend flew by. Someone pulled the fuckin' rip cord on time again. I'm so effin' tired. I should take a nap or something and then do homework or something after a walk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh I talked to Mo yesterday. He finally admitted he missed me like for real. Ass face. But I miss him too. He's one of the saner friends I've had which is nice now and then. We reminisced about Chem class and talked about college and just had fun. Who knows though, we have those good talks and then don't speak again for a while. I'm done figuring men out. Whatever will be will be. But I was glad to talk to him, really.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright I'm getting my booty going now for real.
Peace, loovars.
~Lo

P.S.
I'm renaming Jay Mr. Invisible Man because it feels like he is all put invisible until I see him outside. That's another thing I'm taking a day at a time.

P.S.S. Four hours later
Ok....so I am like so screwed. Mr. IM is like...fuck. No PMS and I definitely still like him. We met in front of the Tree unplanned again today. We were talking and all and suddenly I just blurt out in rapid fire "By the way, you are awesome. I just thought I'd let you know that since it's been like bursting in my chest for like five minutes now and my heart is like racing." *moment of silence* "oh, thanks. That's cool."
Yes, great conversations that may only exist in those moments.
Weird thing is we ended up talking about magnets in our conversation. Oh my GOD! I AM SO SCREWED!
Seriously, did the spirit of my school just like pull him out of my mind? He's slowly meeting all of my unsaid qualifications and sometimes it makes me bug the fuck out. AH!!!!!

Buenos diaz!

alimon89@gmail.com — Tue, 2 Sep 08 20:48:00 UT

Oh yeah, it's September now. ;-)

I'm in the library right now and my day promises to be a busy one. I have three classes but in practice that is a lot today when one of them is a three hour sem (seminar). I still have to run around and buy books for some classes and just...yeah...run around.

Oh my goodness. I seriously love Elsie. She is the Best Librarian in the Universe. If you ever happen to be in the area of Wells you NEED to meet her. Really, there are just no words. Hahaha.

I was very happy this morning to walk in to the dining hall and see it bedecked out in Odd vs. Even. In fact I even did a dance of happiness. I'd forgotten how naked it looks without decorations. Just wow. I cannot wait for the game and the sing off!!!! The Odds have had a seven or eight year winning streak with the basketball game but this year the Evens have some pretty athletic looking girls. They cannot match us for enthusiasm though. Something about being an Odd just makes us have the natural ability to scream louder and be rowdier...maybe it's the purple and yellow going for us. I love it!!!

So I know...you want to hear the report of Crush Boy who I think I will just rename to Jay (I can't even be assured it will be a lasting crush though. I think my brain gets momentarily caught in the mysticism of a person and then I go back to realist and regular self). I didn't see him at all yesterday. He's one of the pre-med types and I am just a busy body. However the day before he came in the room around 11 and hung out until 1am. I don't know. I'm not going to look in to it too much. I don't want my head spinning off when I need to focus on my classes.
Oh but a funny thing, Vicci and I want to make t-shirts that say "Romantically Challenged". It's like our own special disability. Very funny. I love her so much.

I think I'm going to enjoy my classes a lot this semester.
I like the Spanish already and kind of wish I had started a language earlier. It is definitely easier to right though I surprised myself and can do rolling r's....though it takes concentration. I am the freshest person in the class but it isn't that big of a deal. I feel as though I might be able to pick it up nicely since I love new words. Learning Spanish is like learning how to speak a code, the rules, the formats, the patterns. It is cool. I even think of my professors with professora or professoro just because it rolls better in my mind.
History is just history. The two classes I'm taking will overlap nicely I think. The 300 level one is just a lot of work and reading and I still have to write a paper for it due on Friday.
The education class will be interesting. It will be work as well but I feel willing to do it. I can relate to the topic and I really enjoy the teaching style. A night sem is hard but I will survive. They played a really cool video last night about Dan Whittlinger, a man with cerebal palsy that graduated college with a degree in art and paints with his head. Amazing stuff, better than anything even physically capable artists can do. The whole class was talking about it as we left. My friend Haley is in it with me and it's the second semester in a row that we have two classes together (last semester it was education and math, this semester Spanish and education again). She's a commuter but I always tell her she's welcome to hang out on campus any time she wants to.
I haven't taken the soc class yet but I have it this afternoon. Should be interesting.
I feel pretty good about the semester though it is only the first week(feels like longer).

Ugh though, I am tired this morning. Yesterday I took a walk and my arse is so sore from it. It felt good but when I got back I had to take a cold shower from the sweat that had built up on me. I may take a slower walk this evening. I want to get in better habits since my summer I turned in slack ass of all slack asses.

Speaking of slacking I should get going. I still have some homework to do.

Peace
~Lo

...crush

alimon89@gmail.com — Sun, 31 Aug 08 21:12:00 UT

Bee tee dubs.

By the way.

I think I may have a real and feasible crush starting for the first time in what feels like a while.

Oh my god.

It's the second day that I've been talking to this guy. We met out on the front lawn under the Sycamore yesterday. We were both watching the sunset on the lake and I was reading when he comes up and decides to say hi. We ended up talking until sundown and I started to get pretty cold. But it was a REALLY great talk. Afterward I came in my room and thought "Okay I might have a crush starting. This guy is intelligent and just holy crap awesome." We just talked about everything from nature to high school to the self to society and time just vanished.

I believe in the theory of relativity. Paraphrased from Einstein, When your hand is on the hot stove (coffee cup for me yesterday) time goes on forever even if it is a second. If you are sitting on the park bench with someone you fancy then times does not go on long enough and the hours feel like a mere blink of the eyes.

Well today I happened to tell myself "I don't want to read in my room. Maybe I'll go in the library. Nah, I'll go on the front lawn" *brain saying 'no, I'm not really going out there for him'*
Well I had barely gotten set up on the ground with notebook and reading and look up behind me and there he is. We just smile at each other "Fancy seeing you here." He sits down and we talk until the sun has barely the faintest tint of orange in the black and it has been getting a bit cold.
He is just....awesome.
I feel BIG DORK possible bad crush setting in.
I dunno even how to describe it.
But I really really like him even as a friend. It was just instantaneously comfortable to be around him.
Oh and a plus, not that it really matters all that much, he's dark chocolate, average height, has a small little beard and these dark brown eyes that look amazing as the sun casts her fading light in them.
I dunno. It's farkin' freaky but this guy is like my ideal man the more I think about it....HE EVEN LIVES ON MY FLOOR right now!!!!!!!!

Who can say if anything will "happen" but gawd....I mean just writing this up it doesn't even sound real.
Oh and he beat Mohamed's "Hello my blonde haired angel" already on the second day. "
You speak like an angel" (I inwardly died).
I could listen to him talk for days.
Ugh...man...like wow.
I mean it's not even physical necessarily though he fits that, but mentally....
I am screwed.
This guy rocks and it's hitting me slowly on the heart like the pendulum of a clock starting slow and then swinging on and on.

So yes, I have um...I don't even know if I can call it a crush...it feels like something comfortably and contentedly beyond that, like whatever will be will be, I'm just happy to be near you.

Maybe this is too much...but Franky is kind of saying it right now.

If You Are But a Dream
by
Frank Sinatra

If you are but a dream
I hope I never waken,
It's more than I could bear
To find that I'm forsaken.

If you're a fantasy
Then I'm content to be
In love with lovely you,
And pray my dream comes true.

I long to kiss you
But I would not dare,
I'm so a-fraid that
You may vanish in the air,

So darling,
If our romance would break up,
I hope I never wake up,
If you are but a dream.

Peace.
~Lo

The Painted Man and semi-spoiler

alimon89@gmail.com — Sun, 31 Aug 08 17:51:00 UT

So I finally finished the Painted Man by our own Peter V. Brett after plowing through it this weekend.

My summary

Demons come from the Core every night to pillage, plunder, and chaos for the humans because they're back with a vengeance. The demons used to be around but then some guy just beat their arses and then they went in to hiding for 3000 years. In those years people became pretty comfortable and started forgetting all the wards that kept them so safe in the first place.
The current time in which The Painted Man is set, 300 years after the demons have been back, could almost be our world in another um...898 years, just very medieval feeling.

Buildings, fields and anything human are warded. Wards are symbols that repel demons and keep them back from humans. However wards need to be redone, maintained and have proper usage of math when they are painted, carved, imprinted, etc... in to the house.
People are afraid to go more than a day's journey from their houses. People are afraid of these demons, they see the shadows grow and they're like "oooh shit I need to get myself inside LIKE NOW!" unless they want to be torn to pieces by some demon that wants to nom-nom on humans and not some big old deer that night. To be outside in the dark is to be left to death.
There are the rare few cultures that fight the demons but they get pwned mostly.

There is a hope in the people for the fabled Deliverer that shall come again that is spoken of in their religious works which has quite a few parallels to the Christian Bible except it's mainly about why they are damned with the demons and that people are bad and the whole male-supremacy sort of thing.

Then there are Messengers that dare to brave the night away from cities and buildings in special warding circles. They deliver goods and letters between towns. On the side some even search the ruins for long lost wards that might help in fighting the demons off. They tend to travel with entertainers called Jongleurs, much like the traveling troubadours of Europe, who tell tales and sing and preform for towns and cities. If a Messenger comes to a town without a Jongleur people are not all that happy. They're like "what the hey? You bring this freakin' letters but no entertainment? Poo you dude!" so Jongleurs are a rather necessary accessory to Messengers that need to town hop.
There are also Herb Gatherers who are women are really the town medicine women and midwives. They are pretty self-explanatory but are necessary to a town's survival to keep the numbers of their people up and healthy.
There are other roles but those are the three dominant ones in the Painted Man and the characters that really require the most courage and duty from human beings should they chose the path.

Anyway our three main characters each have some early circumstances arise that slowly begin to change their minds about the way things work in their world and they start to not be so okay with it and realize there are things that can change. People don't have to live in fear. They know this as they are all survivors and have seen with their own eyes that things can be different. But it requires people to not be so secluded in their towns, in their walls, in their wards and to just open up and start sharing and caring. Each town is like an island on one continent and in order to get past what cripples them separately they must unite as a whole and not be so secretive with their secrets when they have one common enemy.

And that is my summary....sort of.

What do I think?
Well from the reviews I read I was expecting it to be darker and grittier but I myself didn't find it that way....maybe I've read one too many Chuck Phalanuk books. I think it could be read by young adults and the only um...really "adulty" things are not too graphic anyway. That's just me though.
The way that it is written you do feel as though you are in the small world of isolation with the characters and you start to feel their need to escape in themselves and want to smack someone yourself.
I like that it is not purely magic based and that there is math and all behind it though that is not quite explained you know it is complex and time consuming.
My favorite character is Rojer because I feel like he is very easy to understand. He is the most human feeling and I think limited among on the characters as far as special ability goes. He has a quick wit and definite likeability only suiting as he grows to be a Jongleur.
In a close second is Bruna, the tough as bones Herb Gatherer that trains one of our other main character. She has no mercy and takes no shit but is EXTREMELY good at what she does and is the embodiment of what a Herb Gatherer is and can be. Also, crotchey old women are just great.

So yeah, I want to read the next one because I kind of feel that the book just got rolling when it ended. But that is why there are sequels and I am ready for the next two. Introductions aside, lets kick some fuckin' ass now.

And that's it.
~Lo

Rambly thoughts

alimon89@gmail.com — Thu, 28 Aug 08 20:57:00 UT

Forevers were never meant to be in this wave of humanity and perhaps there is such a thing as unity but is it something you or I could breathe?

There is forever break ups and make ups and shake ups and a lack of continuity is just something that happens. All lines break and no lines are forever straight.
It's just something that happens.

But who is to say we cannot try to hold on?
Who is to say when you break that is forever taken in to the arms of the lost? Who is to say that you must outright abandon? There must be a reason for having memory, for the passing on of stories otherwise why would we survive?

To carry is to not always to be burdened but to be learning and to be attempting to wrong or right what is in that bag.
To remember is to not necessarily hold on to that which is gone but to simply to say that "once in that place there was something there" or that "once in that place there was nothing" and that there still is because nothing is ever not there or gone, it always is. The world does not really know a day, for the continuity of time, but it is not to say a day does not exist.
To remember is not to live somewhere else when it is still here all around you forever.

Life is subject to change.

To want for immortality is such an undesirable feat. You are already immortal in that the things that make you up have forever been there. They just get bored of holding on to their same shape and want to break apart again and again to forever try something new or old.
But just once in a while there are those that would like to keep their shape for more than a blink in time. How might that be protested when it is such a small fraction of a thing, when the change is inevitable?

~~~~~~~~~~``

Thoughts are just running through my head in a stream and a scream as we are expected to let go of that which we still are not willing to let go of yet.
We will be "thy daughters ever sing" even if we are men. For even the men are proud to be daughters once they understand what a daughter is. Despite the change we will remember. We refuse to let go of it all. We will move on but some things must stay.

It doesn't feel the same. I don't know why. Maybe because I am no longer new.

~~~~~~~

Dude...I forgot how simple the school library circulation system is as compared to a public one. I look at it like "So where is all this and that and what tricks can I do?"
Public you had to do it yourself unless it was a booboo.
College is like..I dunno I don't really need to do anything besides check books in and out. It just kind of hit me.

I've been in and out most of the day since I had nothing better to do. It was nice seeing the librarians. I realized how much more complex the call number system is when I had to go find a book. More details involved. There are three or four lines of data to look at rather than just the one or two at the public library. My former boss, Kay, might go rather ape. You have to be REALLY ANAL shelving there. Then again there is less circulation and fewer patrons using the books.
Details
Details.
Tut tut tut.

I am rather excited to start class tomorrow. I still need to print out my schedule to find out the actual rooms I am in though...Might be good.

I'm hoping I do well. There is that whole conflict between wanting to have fun and doing work. Work will be priority because for one thing I will have a lot of it. I also want to maintain my GPA. But I will need moments to breathe.

We'll see. It's only the end of day 1 anyway.

Peace.
~Lo

First day back

alimon89@gmail.com — Thu, 28 Aug 08 08:21:00 UT

So I'm here at school and I haven't been back for quite twenty-four hours yet. The room is set, everything is unpacked and I have not yet settled in to disorganization.

I've seen some freshmen and been dorm hoping to every dorm but a main freshmen dorm to see my friends. It's good to be back. I had some very nice moments with friends yesterday that made it feel as though the summer months never even happened.

Already this morning I have experienced the rowdy revelry of the senior's champagne breakfast (I forgot how LOUD it is and I was tired). The freshies have all forgotten to grab their signs which means there will be much singing on the dining hall table tonight. They have already been introduced to what is the crazy loud, enthusiastic and colorful Oddline and have circled up for the first time.

It doesn't feel quite the same though. I feel as if a bit of spirit is gone this year. I miss last year's seniors....a lot. I wish they were here again. It is so strange.

I don't have class today but I do have some errands to run. I'm just taking a momentary morning break. Also my left knee decided to crap out on me quite nasty last night so by the time the clock reached ten or eleven I was beat tired and in bed reading The Painted Man. I slept pretty deeply but as I was sleeping I thought I heard someone whisper my name. It was creepy but I discounted it as dreaming. Still, it was pretty creepy because I almost woke up as my brain registered it was in reality. Ooooky!

Anyway just letting y'all know I am back at my other home and quite happy. There is a peace in my bones.

:-)
Peace.
~Lo

Pick MeMe!

alimon89@gmail.com — Mon, 25 Aug 08 15:58:00 UT

1) Do you like blue cheese?
Um nah. I like cheddar or the XXXXX New York Cheddar. Yeah, we're hard core.

2) Have you ever smoked heroin?
O.O No.

3) Do you own guns?
No and guns are for wussies anyway.

4) What is your favorite drink at Starbucks?
Um never been there really. I trust the local drive through coffee place in town. But I do like the iced mochas you can buy at convience stores.

5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Nah. I've been in and out of doctor's office's too much to care.

6) What do you think of hot dogs?
Um...they're hotdogs...pork swords. JUNO!

8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Milk or tea or coffee.

9) Can you do a push up?
Uh...very very badly.

10) Can you do a chin up?
*looks at skinny puny arms* Hell no.

11) Favorite piece of jewelry?
The Celtic design ring with green stone that I bought from a vendor at school.

12) Favorite hobby?
Reading, writing, animals.

13) Ever been on a boat?
A few times, yes.

14) Do you have A.D.D.?
Me? No-OH SHINY THING!

16) Middle name?
Madelyn.
Not Marie.

17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
Ugh...tired. Damn horny dogs, sucks that they get stuck together for such a long time after they mate. College? Yeah!

18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Bought nothing yesterday but today I bought things for school such as food, tacking gum stuff and a white board.

19) Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Water, milk, tea.

20) Current worry?
Um...puppies coming in December. By the way, my dogs have been mating today.

21) Current hate right now?
That's classified information.

23) How did you bring in the New Year?
Um...I don't even know. My New Years are forever uneventful.

24) Where would you like to travel?
Egypt, Mongolia, Spain, Morroco, um...places.

25) Name three people who will complete this?
Rando and Dfaz already did, maybe Netta.

26) Do you own slippers?
Yes, they're fuzzy and green and I love them.

27) What shirt are you wearing?
A stretchy black faux button v-neck

28) Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Eck, no.

29) Can you whistle?
I whistle by inhaling but yeah, I can whistle.

30) Favorite color?
Purple, blue, black. I'm so goth.

31) Would you be a pirate?
Would I be? I AM! Argh!

32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
Um...songs from my own head or heart.

33) Favorite girl's name?
Don't have one. I'm more partial to boys though being a Lord of the Rings nerd I do like Arwen, Eowyn and and Galadriel.

34) Favorite boy's name?
Alexander.

35) What's in your pocket?
I haven't got anything in my pocketssss!!!

37) Best bed sheets as a child?
Um, Barney.

38) Worst injury you've ever had?
Um...the concusion where I cracked my riding helmet open or the time when I sprained my ankle.

39) Do you love where you live now?
Yes despite living in CNY being rather impossible financially.

40) How many TVs do you have in your house?
Um...four? Computers: four.

41) Who is your loudest friend?
Oh man, I think I am the loudest. Second place would be um..Guy.

42) How many dogs do you have?
Three and now with more on the way.

43) How many cats do you have?
Can't have cats when you own dogs with REALLY high predator instincts.

44) What is your favorite movie(S)?
Lord of the Rings, Howl's Moving Castle, The Lion King, and What Dreams May Come.

45) What is your favorite book(s)?
As of recent: The Book Thief. As of forever: Artemis Fowl, Impluse, The Lord of the Rings, His Dark Materials and more.

46) What is your favorite candy?
Anything minty. Mmm. And Skittles.

47) Favorite sport?
To watch: hockey or equestrian sports. To play: soccer, because who doesn't love kickin' some balls?

48) What song do you want played at your funeral?
Um...The Circle of Life. Haha. I have no idea. Do I even want to have a funeral?

49) What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Reading a Lord of the Rings movie guide book that I rediscovered on my shelf and cannot put down.

50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
"shit, I'm going to kill my dog if he comes wining at me again in the middle of the night because he's horny"

The Good

alimon89@gmail.com — Fri, 22 Aug 08 16:19:00 UT

The Upside.

Five days. What?

Some good things about this summer is that in all that thought I do feel wiser and more sure of my thoughts. I feel more assured in what I could be, want to be. I acknowledge the room for growth and cutting off dead ends. Trimmin' my bush so to say (ROFL!). Yes I am terrible.

I really have the worst humor ever. My friend Vicci has to take the swim class in spring as well so my response was "Great! We can drown together!" I was laughing my ass off while her response was "...you are a terrible person." I can't help being corrupt. Hahaha.

I went on a hike on Wednesday with Rick and Sharon. I wish I had had more time. I think I am impossibly in love with forests, just the way the light casts through the leaves and the movement and the air and everything. There are few things that can rival that beauty in my eyes. I love the feeling of running over wood paths, of the roots and the rocks and the earth and hearing the birds cheep and talk and animals doing their thing. I love the feeling of exploration, like I am going somewhere. It's where I see my stories actually live. I can see a horse trotting down a path or a druid peeking around a corner or just..yeah. I am a tree hugger. I name trees even. I am always saddened when I see them cut down, even if I didn't know the tree.

Good stuff too: Chris Merkley playing Voodoo Child on harmonica and using a peddle. Oh my god...it was crazy amazing. I had no idea one could do that with a harmonica. The man gives me new respect for the instrument every time I hear him play. The only guys listening go crazy because they know damn good blues and rock. I never had interest in it myself until I hear Chris but his music is just like...holy shit, way to keep it alive, way to make music you can dance to and bellow to. Rando knows what I'm talkin' about. I need to tell Chris to go to England and play.

Other good stuff: food and sleeping. Happy bellies are great bellies.

Hair prett-i-fi-cation is nice too. I tend to ignore that part of me the most even though it is one of my most prominant features.

Getting checked out when you're having one of your crappiest days...nice.

Your dog knowing just what you need and cuddling up and being super cute in a way that only dogs can do. No way to ignore that. You must cuddle back.

Dancing in the kitchen when no one else is up or out and just going all Elvis Pelvis and singing Frank Sinatra while wearing a top hat.

Not sleeping for over 24 hours straight because four people really cannot sleep.

Shameless love of new Hanson music.

Rainstorms...almost everyday. It is rather happy making for a person that burns easily.

Making plans for future get together with high school friends and knowing that part of life is not completely over.

This lovely picture of mom that she will seriously want to kill me for posting.

(I had to mom, it's classic!)

Moments in life that we don't record or savor nearly enough.

The Book Thief, the best book I have read all summer despite being very sad. It was written just amazingly.

Good stuff.
Peace.
~Lo

P.S.
Yes, mom did try to get me. She got as far as the cream blob on my arm and then was amazed at how light a sleeper I am. Haha. I felt it instantly.

The Bad

alimon89@gmail.com — Fri, 22 Aug 08 15:21:00 UT

God I have been at record lows for entries lately. Jeezum.

I'm not quitting you guys, believe me. I can't. Five years on here in um...a little over two weeks. That is a little over one fourth of my currently lived life that I have been writing on here so I don't plan on dropping this. I need to get to fourteen years, six months and sixteen days so I can officially say that I have been blogging for half my life...and all on the same website.

But there really hasn't been much going on. I've been in library land and lounging and very half arsedly packing. In fact I still have a lot to go...like room cleaning and such but I am a procrastinator. Yeah, the next five days will be fun. Not. I do have everything I need though like toiletries and such.

The OMGZ feeling is gone though. It suddenly went "poofy! Bye!" about halfway through the month. After visiting campus all of my summer seemed to be put on fast-foreward rewind and all the tape was wound up with just this little end sticking out. I wondered "where did that go?" There wasn't really much eventful anyway though.

If anything it has been a rather shitty summer. I have disconnected from a lot of people. I don't even know why but it just kind of happened and Kacey and I are not even really talking anymore as of last week when she randomly flipped out on me because I have no tolerance for her e-boyfriends and tend to talk "shit" about them. Then reality struck me with all the reasons why we are such constrasting people in the first place. It was a shitty day and really all I wanted to do was yell "FUCK YOU!" at her via IM and give her the fight she may have wanted from me. But instead I ended up swallowing it and letting it go fuck with my bowels instead.
I dunno. I have not been all that happy this summer at all really. There are spots of sunshine but for the most part it has just been robotic. I wonder if this is what I am going to be like when all the school is done. I am saddened by the thought but at the same time it may well be my waiting reality.

I need to have strategies to not have this happen but it takes fucking effort and sometimes I just don't care about being the angry-sad-still-teen-for-six-months. I feel like a putzer.
Maybe I just need to find something new. Being here is like being in the old. I think next summer I need to push out, go somewhere completely different and just have an experience where I have to push out of myself more, where I cannot whallow. It is easy to whallow when you don't have much else to do, when nothing is motivating you.

It is extremely frustrating though when I compare this me-of-the-moment self to the ones of my past, to the ones that were better people, more passionate and involved and stuff. I don't want High School to be the Last Glory Days. I want to re-find my spark. I need another creative and mental outlet for one thing but I have a feeling it won't be in All the Places It Used to Be.

I think I'm frustrated with life, society, the stupid restrictions I am suddenly realizing are out there, the mind sets that are so cemented, that no one can get beyond. It's everything from being "disabled" and "underestimated" to what the definition of "intelligence" is. Fuck if I think sounding intelligent is politics, religion and life theories. That shit is just repeatative. That shit doesn't really bring anyone anywhere. Intelligence does not mean having you Ph.D. in Yadda-Dadda-Adda. Intelligence could be the guy that just knows what the hell he is actually doing.

I'm sick of people claiming one thing, that they are this when ultimately you put them in a real life place and they are not that.
Some of this is aimed at a e-friend I have been talking to lately that has unrealistic thoughts on life and yet is obsessed with what is real and boggles my mind. I like talking to him a lot but sometimes I think he has no idea how much he wastes words. It is to no end erking to me when someone feels the need to detail what a situation is when you already know, when it's like "duh". I let him go one sometimes but it's like I don't need the sermon, you can preach it to yourself. I knew most of that stuff when I was like 11 but felt no need to talk about it because some things you can only truly know when you experience them(I am told sex is this way) or happen upon them.
He has this thing against dwelling too and I think he believes I dwell just because of the explaination I gave of some of my mind processes that he is interested in picking appart. He's kind of Buddhist based and that's all well and good but he tends to contradict himself.
This morning we had this entire conversation almost about basically how in real life we would probably not be friends because of our age difference and that he lives a different lifestyle than I do and that we would never have reason to speak in the first place. But then he feels weird imagining it could be, like everyone has their fantasies but he brushes his away because of this reality.
Well I am a shameless day dreamer and a realist but I have nothing against dreaming. I know talking to him that meeting any other way we would most likely never ever speak but I feel no need to mention it because we are what we are now as friends.
It's like the same thing with my JS community. I might not talk to any of you had we met any other way but we don't sit here mourning what might have been in the past. We think "Dude I can't wait to meet you in person and do the Stupid White Girl Dance together". Or we just plain support each other and let life go on. I almost want to mention you guys but at the same time I'd prefer not to reveal too much of this site being the gem that it is.
But yeah, he just contradicts himself sometimes because in my eyes thinking in what would be real had we (not)met in person is just as bad, if not worse, than thinking in the happy fantasy. I do check him on this because it saddens and angers me when people think of things in that negative way. But then he's all "Yeah, you are awesome" and I shake my head thinking "you are an idiot." Sometimes he will push my bullshit tolerance to it's limits.
I'm mainly there just to have some fun, not speak of silly round about and frustrating topics of...of...idiocy. It's fun to punch ego thoughts that he has but after a while it's like "shut the fuck up, please!"
I'm not sure how much longer I will talk to him but the experience has allowed me to examine the human mind a bit. I don't do it outwardly like he does. I do my experiments without people knowing.

Ugh. But no more of that. I didn't realize how bothersom that can be until I get going.
Every time I talk to a guy my mental list for "Requirements in a mate" gets longer and I think I may be a spinster after all.

But yeah. I'm angsty. I'm a blob. I'm that chick in the back of the library doing spine labels.

I think I will make a second entry for The Good.

Peace.
~Lo

P.S.
I don't really think of this as bad because she is free of pain and can now be with all of us but...Rest In Peace Kentucky Pine, The Withered One, Netta Momma, JS Grandma.
I seriously feel so bad and sad for it. One of us is gone in body. I will miss her. I told my mom and she was sad too.
My heart and love goes to Netta and family.

The Park

alimon89@gmail.com — Mon, 11 Aug 08 23:45:00 UT

Converted from notebook to here with some additions as it was typed but mostly still raw.

It's been a while since I've visited you, Park, since the days when I would sit on your swings singing and thinking for afternoons on end, since the days of youth when we used to actually still hang out in the neighborhood, before time and such pulled us appart, before we aged into the Americans that never talk, never touch.

I was always on the fringes anyway. I was inately odd and between the ages. I didn't ride bike, didn't swim, wasn't a boy, wasn't a girly girl, wasn't a runner, never wore shoes, never played baseball, was always guarenteed to suck at the tagging part of hide and go seek (three times in a row of failing to catch anyone and mercy was had), but occasionally joined in on the games of soccer. I was just there making the random commentary and wondering if they played baseball in England only to be glared at by Kacey saying "Who asks that kind of a question?!"

It was always Kacey and I, two completely different kids, she the fat little annoying sister that I had a love/hate come-and-go tolerance and friendship together. But that's what happens when older brothers need to shrug off their younger siblings and neither of the siblings are particularly liked by anyone in the neighborhood. We bonded as rejects, because we only had each other out here. Kacey was all about family and country music and sort of just getting by and playing the tough girl when the neighborhood kids picked on her. She liked to rearrange her room. As she moved on from country music and in to the punk that I had been in to a good two or three years before her it was Simple Plan. I watched the DVD with her still have a burning image of one of the band members in the shower, bald headed but entirely hairy everywhere else and soaped up and surprised. Yeah, I thank Kacey for that one.
Kacey had the tendency to obsess over things even more than I did. Most of the time it was boys. For me even if I was in to a guy I would and still seldom ever do tell. I had a huge crush on a boy for three years before I even told my best friends at the time. A year later and the crush was completely gone. I was and still am like that for the most part. I won't tell until the fascination has passed if no one has figured it out. I am skeptical with heart confessions of that sort.

I was often in my own world anyway, better things to think of than boys. I was forever weaving stories, my head leaned against the window the bus or playing in room for hours or days upon end. I went into another world when I reached my writing stage and further more worlds when I got in to reading finally. I would sit in the world of stories and thoughts and thinking forever at the park. I formed my ideas on life and death and what might be heaven and what might be hell. I remember the long days at the park in the summer as my grandfather died, looking at the yellow tinted dusty world from my swing, the first left swing from the middle bars. I needed the park then, alone. I was losing important things in my life, like my gohoats, my best friends since the first grade.

In my years of homeschooling I was really just in myself, watching the world around me me spin and observing. I think I was sort of just a participant out of habit, not because I wanted to be.

It feels like the world has changed so much but the hills before me are the same shape, the corn is still growing in the first field.
The slide is gone, no balance beam (as we called the mysteries strip of pole that might have once had a teeter-totter), no tire swing- just the frame, no nets-just grass, no peeling paint on the well house- just imitation powder blue siding.
I always thought that expanse of grass was too damn empty, that out park was too naked. I still do.

It feels like I've been sitting here forever but it's just been that time drifting through fourteen years of memory or maybe more like nine or ten since I moved here. I have lived here for close to fourteen or fifteen years now.
I'm leaning against the oak tree in the box of stones with the one bench. They usually have picnic tables here but they keep taking them away because of the profanities and confessions that we deem is our right to keep writing and layering on to them. Dicks, that's just what happens to picnic tables.
Daddy long legs keep exploring me, one orange one popping up over my knee to say hello and run away again. Jason Mraz is my sound lr- two on my arm!- is my soundtrack with the sound of cars hissing along the state route behind me and pitter-patter of rain drops. My left hand is in a flow of my brain and completely fucking frozen to my pen. My ass is frozen too. I should move soon.

The world is gray and dark green today.

I'm going to be twenty in about six months. I've never counted myself by months before but twenty seems to be a significant number to me, maybe for the lack of teen, for that it means I am REALLY about to be an adult. Eighteen, nineteen, you're still a teen. Twenty...you are officially two decades old then. Yeah, kiss kiss, click click...right.

When the heck did I get these legs? When did this body happen? Since when do I wear skinny jeans in shapely legs that look like it's forever to the floor where my feet are in ballet flats. I can still see myself walking down the road in my floor length, belly-button high jean skirt that was a flippin' big deal to me in a skirt and thinking about my posture. How can that past me and this me be the same thing? I mean I know they are but time....I've been thinking about time lately....It is a funny thing.

It's nice to write like that in my notebook again.

Farewell.
~Lo

The Unsure Weaver

alimon89@gmail.com — Sun, 10 Aug 08 18:08:00 UT

Ugh...every color I put my blog on my parent's comp is like blinding. It looks fine of my lappy but shite, this green is terrible.

~~~~~

Speaking of laptop....mine is currently indesposed. Hopefully I can get it fixed tomorrow because now I realize how much I love it when it is not working. I mean it needs a good cleaning outside and in as it is (I have two keys off and the amount of dog hair in the keyboard is atrocious) but now that wire that makes it charge is dead. I cannot charge my laptop at all which means I cannot even turn the thing on. Wah! Another thing I realize: pictures take up a lot of freakin' room. I'm going to start stocking up on USB thumb drives so I can store stuff. My actual digital camera is indesposed right now as though so new pictures should not be that big of a deal.
Still, it is very erking. But at least it's happening now and not at school and I have an uncle that fixes computers and stuff for a living.
Oh yeah, I need to find a good protection program too since AVG's free thing ran out. I might just buy their actual program since I lot of people seem to swear by it and isn't a pain in the ass like Norton.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm kind of conflicted at the moment though. I thought I had my class schedule worked out but now I don't. It is such a pain trying to schedule classes that you will like, will help with your major and general requirements and won't work you to the bone, not to mention fit in a nice schedule. As soon as I get back to school I really need to schedule and advising appointment because I need it. Ugh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good news: I get to see Vicci the day after tomorrow!!!!! :-D
Also good news: I only have two more weeks of work left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So what have I accomplished this summer?
Um....mainly work and saving for school.
Um....being a lazy bum (that just got me back though because I just got my monthly yesterday and fuck did that hurt all night...it's what reminds of the necesscesity to stay active since I don't cramp up or get 'hay hooks in my vag' feeling if I just do some extra walking).
Um....and I missed school a lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The "oh mmm gee" school excitement has kind of faded though. Maybe it's because I still have a lot to do and I know once I get there I will be working hard and still be trying to figure out what the hell I really want to do with my life. Sometimes I feel like my brain wants to explode with the pressure.

I feel in a way like I've lost some of my passion this year. I looked back at what I've done this year and kind of wondered what happened to the girl from high school. There's not really anything "great" that I can boast of doing this year, no moment that stands out and makes me feel pride in myself. There have been some definite fun moments but I feel lazy. Still, maybe I needed it. High school was an experience in and of itself and then college is another one. I stuck to my principles and all but I am still just rather average and sparkless right now.
I feel like I'm in that strange transition period. Like when I was a kid it was whales and animals and goats and writing and horses and reading and all those obsessive things that kept me grounded then. Right now I am without a focus. I'm not even really escaping in to books as I had before. It's like I need to try and find my zen again. It was lost in the muddle of everything.

Sometimes I wonder if it is just a product of growing up in American society though. I don't want to be told what to do and yet I am unsure of the paths before me like a horse that stands leaning slightly on it's haunches, ears flicking back and forth, forelegs wide or crossed, confused, wondering to which way it should turn from you as it tries to read your body language. But the you is Fate and I am wondering what she has in mind for me and where my own soul will find the best fit.
I keep having to remind myself that I am young and that I have the world before me but that is all the same daunting. Because while I have the world I have pressure and then my own mind's wandering ideas and I struggle to weave together all the threads on my loom and get the warp strings in the right harnesses. My hand pauses with the shuttle, not quite sure of the pattern to which I should begin to weave next.

~~~~~~~~~

Anyhoo I suppose I should move along and start some laundry or some such thing or further the organization process and list making.

Farewell.
~Lo

Late night with YFAT

alimon89@gmail.com — Mon, 4 Aug 08 01:40:00 UT

Frustration can lead to me writing some funny shit. But also nasty. I'm frustrated at Brandon again for bringing up his stupid farking character and having it be kissy face because my facebook photo is basically a coin and my chesticles in a corset. It wasn't for him that I was posting it....though it is rather fun to go about stabbing more holes in his "character" when he brings him back to life. I am still convinced that the character is fake. I'm finding way too many loop holes still. That and when I talk to his girlfriend randomly now she has a sort of stupid jealously. I get so farking annoyed because I don't want to be one of his fucking girls. Like the stupid crush shit of fall semester is so over. No interest once so ever now. Boys are so retarded.
And because of it I made a list. Yeah. Feel free to add to it.

Rules of Writing Internet Adultery.
First, when creating "your" character of adultery you need to change more than a few letters and the last name of real you.
Second, don't throw them in your fantasy land without thoroughly blocking out the scenery first.
Third, notice time zone differences if there happens to be "an ocean" between your secret lust and "yourself" there are going to be some hours difference unless "you" are an insane insomniac that just happens to have the same hours as your secret lust.
Fourth, avoiding set times of ever seeing the secret lust leads to wonderings.
Fifth, know your damn story
Sixth, never connect "you" and real you, holes happen.
Seventh, never connect "you" and girlfriend as friends and thus is a sly way getting girlfriend's approval.
Eighth, a revising of sixth, do not let it be known that "you" and real you are "good friends".
Ninth, do not type in the same exacting and terrible manner. If you really want to sway a woman who mostly at least attempts at proper grammar and full sentences please put some effort in and do the same yourself.
Tenth, do not bring suddenly "you" back from a long mission after seeing girlfriend for weeks or saying of secret lust in head "ooh she has boobies in her avi pic this week, I want some. Lets resurrect 'me'".
Eleventh, take in to account that your secret lust may be smarter than you.
Twelfth, take in to account that secret lust is hugely suspicious.
Thirteenth, take in to account that secret lust may need more stimulation than 'hey, waz up?'
Fourteenth, take in to account that secret lust is a writer.
Fifteenth, take in to account that secret lust hardly has any affections for real you, much less enhanced "you".
Sixteenth, take in to account that secret lust is not just lust.
Seventeenth, take in to account that secret lust may not be stupid.
Eighteenth, take in to account that secret lust....may write a list publicly humiliating you.
Nineteenth, no picture after a year takes a huge chunk off of thou's bump.
Twentieth, take in to account that secret lust may in fact just be a secret plotter of "you"'s diguise.
Twenty-twooth, secret lust may in fact just want to kill you.
Twenty-third, just commit to "you", really make it another thing anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Um anyway. I FINALLY SAW DARK KNIGHT!
Holy mother of god.
It was fucking intense.
I had to pee so bad at the end.
Two Face....ughhuggahuggaurgh so creepy nasty!
The Joker...."Why So Serious" seriously made me want to pee myself. Ledger was amazing though. Make-up deserves an Oscar nod. I like how the upper lip was stuffed. He was mad crazy. Like whoa. Make me laugh a bit put also had me scared shitless. Mom nearly wet herself laughing when he was in the nurse drag and I rather agree: classic. Mom "Every nurse want to do that! Blow up a hospital!"
Batman....Holy god, Christian Bale is a-frickin'-mazing. He's just bad ass. His voice makes it though I think it was enhanced.
James Gordon...probably one of my favorite characters of the film. I just love him. He is so that character and classic.
Lucius Fox...Morgan Freeman rocks my world. Classic when he's with the guy and is like "...and you're going to blackmail him?" HAHAHAHAHA!
Rachel....I liked Maggie as her so much better than Katie. Maggie has more to her, more strength, more truth and believability.
And can I say, Eric Roberts is beautiful. I know him from the Killer's music video Mr. Brightside. He is a very striking man.
Okay anyway the movie. Great action, great scenes, rather good plotting. I was like "what the hell, this is insane, I need the comics now".
Wah-ho-ah! (whoa)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aye, I went to the Ren Faire and it was great. I bought a corset and mom helped me with some accessories like a belt and such. It felt it passed so quickly! The day flew! We were first rained on though with thunder clattering in my bones. I am quite happy people may now bring weaponry again. And speaking of the joust it was alright. Now that I know some sword play I was thinking "fiente dente, strike to 5, block 5a, strike to 4, parry 3" half the time. Nothing overly complex or impressive was done. There were a few things that didn't vibe well with me about historical parts but the naps and slapstick were good. Not as bad as Medieval Times jousting wise (can predict by whoever has their feet out of their stirrups) but Times owns with horsemanship (but then Times has Andalusions, not Clysdales and Percherons).
I love the random street actor preformances.
I love the shows.
I love the music (Go check out The Empty Hats. They are GREAT!)
It was lovely and went by too fast for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wowza. Three weeks until I go to school. It seems like a short time now. I need to get my booty moving with everything like clearing out disaster zone and sorting and organizing. I need to start now. I move in three days after my last day of work so I can't save it to the last minute or anything.
Oh...and yeah, I'm signing up for another soc class tomorrow "Sociological implacations of the internet". How freakin' fawesome a class is that?!
I'm so excited to get started. I'm going to miss my puppas though. I really luove mah dogs. I love greeting them all in the morning.
I can't wait to see my girls and meet some freshies.
:-D YAAAAAAAYYYY!!!

~~~~~~~

Anyway I should try and sleep now or read some bookage. I am currently engrossed in The Linnet Bird by Linda Holeman. Good book, at least to me.
Ack, must FREE THE PEE! now!
Night night from Lo-Land.

Peace.
~Lo

Dreamscape

alimon89@gmail.com — Wed, 30 Jul 08 18:49:00 UT

Take off the shoes and age old calluses are rubbed open. That'll teach me to wear leather shoes without socks again. But hey, they looked awesome with my zebra print skirt.

28 days and I'll be back to school. Exactly four weeks.

Dreams so vivid you feel the pinprick of the thumb tack in your finger as you wake. Dreams so vivid you have to remind yourself even while you're in them of what reality real is.
Dreams so vivid, so real, putting in your face what you run from when you least expect it. Dreams so vivid with what you feel, with what is the truth in side of you.

I've never had a completely happy dream but neither have I had a completely sad one. There is always something slightly off about them even if they are good for the most part. This a random fear, a random moment that is definitely off.
Last night part was about this hotel or house, powder blue jumbled mix. It was crazy. Even now remembering flashes of it like the grand lobby with the levels of doors and trying to find our room, 17 (not 16A!), passing the rich suits. Going through a door, down a slide, a random secret bowling, browns and yellows, alley. You try to get out and can't escape, trying so hard until a random side door service opens up and you go down down in to the brown and broom closets.
You end up back in the hotel sitting in the resturant. You see him. The omen. The bio-dad. You laugh as he works as a chef, loser, but then he won't leave you alone after he sees you, follows you outside. You scream at him, remember the anger that controls you only as it ever will in dreams. You never scream in real life, much less from anger. But then you go on the car ride, remember the nerdy days at the same, the things you are thankful for but all the same time over lapping with that one day in the car that you have ever been so close to ever wanting to truly physically harm someone even to this day.
That part of it ends and you're in the suburban on a trip back to school with a black pug dog sitting in the ccup holder as you traverse the yellow fields and open country houses of the dreamscape. You are at Wells, a very scewed one, helping to show people to their room. Terrible stairs, trapping green painted scary stairs that the guys just crawl happily all over. (What is it with the stair problem in Main with my dreams? I'm going to be so confused when I get back to find that they are just nice and stable and happy stairs.) You finally make it to your room and dream-made memories flash through your mind of going to a holiday party in the room with the last residence. It's amazing. It changes. You set down your dogs and think about arrangement as friends stop by like "this is a great room!" and show you around. The pug and your white mop-dog scramble around the place as you think "how am I going to take care of their poop? they are my furry fish". The place has at least six rooms. It's amazing for you, maybe your dream first-appartment in real life that you have never thought of. The friend shows you the kitchen, door in counter that leads to the basement where the guys and girls used to go but it is filled with blackness and spiderwebs and the feelings of clinging death skeletons. Your friend acts like it's a nice place to explore while you think "never". Your friend shows you a door off the kitchen that links to a horseshoe court yard where there are steps, mildly wild plants and a faded navy blue and well loved dusty couch sitting out. You wander around just thinking "where will we put our beds" and "wait 'til Sammy sees this" when you're shown a room you know will work. There are various things in there like three pianos and such that your friends help you to move. You take down the posters set up on the walls with the old school tacks that are almost like sewing pins. You take them to a cup in the kitchen, pricking your finger...and that's when you wake.

My dreamscape.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My life? I'm starting to hate the library in some ways. It gets a little harder to hold my tongue when Kay goes terrier mode on me or Angie does mother-to-baby-voice to me. I think "three weeks" as a mantra. But the plus side was that for the summer reading program they had a company of traveling actors in to preform "The Emporer's New Clothes" which had adults and kids enjoying it. The actors improved great with the surroundings and had me laughing so hard at one point I nearly fell off my stool and couldn't see. It was great. I think things like that should happen more often in public places. I need to try and see more plays. Maybe one day I'll even get involved in them as I've been told I should before. But I've kind of missed the highschool-junior high stage where everyone gets in to them. It's only recently that I warmed up to them so maybe after college when I don't have to be a theatre major I can join a local community chapter and learn my way through that.

~~~~~~~~~~

Not much going on on my front. Get to go to Ren Fest this weekend. Horses, knights, swords, men in tights. What more could a girl ask for? I'm excited.

Well that's all I have to say for now.
Peace.
~Lo

Welcome Cassandra!

alimon89@gmail.com — Wed, 23 Jul 08 18:01:00 UT

Yup, that's right.....

We are all proud e-relatives now of Cassandra, born at 4:35 today.

CONGRATS DANI AND PEAT!!!!!!

:-D
:-D
:-D

A Letter from Library Land

alimon89@gmail.com — Fri, 18 Jul 08 13:42:00 UT

I think I'm growing a lot more comfortable at work. I've been here for maybe a month and half now. I'm getting to know everyone in the library a lot better and I'm getting in to the stride of it. I know the regular patrons, the volunteers, the people. Libraries really are about people.
I'm the youngest person officially on staff. It kind of stinks to know that I'll only be here for another six weeks. By then I will really know the place and the collection and the circulation system.

Now from experience with shelving and things I even know what topics call numbers are actually talking about. An 800 isn't just an 800 to me, it's classic literature and 600's are technology, cooking, agriculture and housing and electric stuff. I'm figuring out that mysterious librarian code. Heck I am starting to learn how to use the micro-film machines and how to help patrons with basic printing and computer problems. I also fill out an average of three new patron cards a day.

Hell I'm going to be bored when I get back to school. This public library is another ball game from my small college library. I think I'm actually going to miss it. Sure it will be nice to have time to do homework and things but I think I'm going to miss the activity, the challenge. With an average of three people manning the circ desk at school I am going to be really bored too. Even with two people here it's almost too many. There's always something to be done but the quiet stretches are almost more hellish than the busy times. At least busy goes by fast.

Most of our patrons are older people or senior citizens. They blow through the mysteries and large type fiction like the big bad wolf through the pig's straw house. They prefer books over TV. I would never expect it but then again why shouldn't I? I feel much the same way. Why watch TV or a movie when you can read a book that has more details, better story and everyone appearing exactly as you want them too. You can even cast your favorite actor or family member or friend or enemy.
Yeah, books are better. :-P

I have found it is possible to sustain injuries at the library as well though....namely my head meeting the unforgiving edge of the circ desk as I bent over to grab a book. My co-worker's response, unaware as I muttered curses and blinked back tweety birds "Well you're making it hard on yourself doing it that way". The only evidence of the bonk from yesterday is an egg on my face when I squinch my forehead or my head protesting as I bend down. It is also feels great when you drop a seven hundred page hardcover on your sandled foot or go half blind as you sneeze from all the dust stirring up from a book not touched in years.

But the library is a great source of last name ideas or characters from the patrons I see. It is a place to touch history, a place where books are older than you and some just hot off the press.

I appreciate it here. I mean I could be working in McD Land or something. Instead I am here, in the space of a trillion words continuously flowing and forever patiently waiting for someone to pick them up and be pulled in to their world just a few words away.

With that it's almost time for me to leave.
Peace.
Signing off from Library Land
~Lo

P.S.
A Shot of Real

There are things about the place that are awkward though, like writing down old decrepit spine labels around the corner from the pay phone. People have the most private kind of conversations in public at the library. Sometimes I honestly wish I wasn't there but other times it's a sneak peak in to how much life can suck for people. I really have to make sure my heart and mouth are iced over at those moments, that I'm just doing my job.
Did I mention spine labels suck? They are boring and terrible and my left wrist definitely hates me after those days of writing down so many numbers and names and then going to type them up. I'd rather shelve any day.
However spine labels are almost a requirement on Thursdays. My co-worker on those days has never outwardly expressed it but she definitely hates me at the desk and unnecessarily rides my ass and checks out my schedule and tasks when that is not really her business. She also has one of those old people condascending voices. She's the one that had no sympathy when I nailed my face on the desk. Needless to say I don't like Thursdays much and prefer to stay away from her even if it does make my body groan terribly to do spine labels.

My supervisor rides me too but she's naturally a terrier and I accept that. She just wants shit done and has done amazing things with the library since she's been there (though not without contestation and still present behind-the-back mutterings from staff).

The only male working there was commiserating with me today. I actually had the chance to talk to him while covering down stairs. I think I have a friend in him. He's four years younger than me but pretty cool. I don't work with him really since I work upstairs in the adult services and he's pretty much confined to grunt work in the youth services and some times upstairs grunt work. I'm actually allowed to use the circulation system and he can't so that kind of sucks. It means he has shit stuff to do every day ruled by Mandy, Kay or Angie. Angie tends to talk in a semi-baby-am-I-going-slow-enough-for-you voice a lot too. I feel for the guy. He loathes shelving. I loathe shelving in youth services which he does. I do it and get a notice sent to the library group underhandedly complaining about my utter stupidity for not understanding their wacked out order (Evil Thursday Lady likes to read them to me with relish). Upstairs I do not mind. Pretty straight forward with where everything goes and there are not any strange sub-sections. So yeah, it was nice to complain about the shitness of being young and a newb to the staff.

So yeah, some times it does suck there.