Sorry it's been so long since the last post. I would love to say that it is because I've been working very hard on my D.Min. stuff, but alas that is not the case. My father was put in the hospital on Valentine's Day with blood clots in his lungs, then a whole host of things began to go wrong for him. Thankfully, he seems on the upswing although still in serious condition.

But this post is not about him (although his name begins with R. if you are the praying type) or the D.Min. (that will be this week, now that the Board of Trustees (big music) has left the campus).

This is about an article that was written in the paper about me a couple of weeks ago. (It was a slow news week for the religion section of our little paper.) I had just been installed and the university relations folks thought it would be a good idea to introduce me to the community.

By far the comment I keep hearing is this:

"Great picture!" (why did my hair look like shit that day? And do I always have to be smiling like that with my mouth open?)

For the record, the picture is ok but it announced to me if not to the whole world why I'm on Weight Watchers. And it showed the messiest part of my office - my desk - when I had everything else spotless.

But the strangest thing is that people I hardly know keep giving me copies of the article. I was in Atlanta when it came out and so W. and I didn't pick one up, figuring it would be online or something. (I actually don't even know if it is.) But we now have 15 or 20 copies from folks we don't hardly even know. One of which copied the wrong continuation of the article, which made it read:

"The students here are really a microcosm of the larger society...They have parents going through divorce, they are dealing with crises of style."

It should have read, "Crises of identity." But style is good, too. "Extreme Makeover Edition" will be our theme next year.

Today I led worship at the church here in town, and this young woman, probably my age, came up to me and said, "I loved the article about you in the paper! And I loved that you led worship this morning. I just feel like I know you so well now that I read that and got to see you today."

She knows me? Really? The article is ok, but it doesn't really reveal anything special. And leading worship, as many of you know, can make the best of folks feel like they know you when they don't at all.

And my suspicion is that she doesn't want to know ME - just the kind of pastor-type person she wants to create. Not that I'm all bad (just some of the time); it's just that I'm not sure she'd like to know:

1. That W. and I could barely say two nice things to each other on Valentine's Day. He didn't feel well, A. was sick, my dad went into the hospital, I was stressed about the board coming, etc....(Things got better, but not one for the scrapbook)

2. I still have major questions about issues of faith, although I'm less stressed about them now believing God holds me through it all. But it's not like a pastor can say, "Are you serious?" about the whole Jesus/God/Church thing.

3. I cuss like a sailor. I'm working on correcting this now that A. repeats almost everything we say. But it's really hard not to let a "son of a bitch" fly every once in a while, or worse!

4. That often I'm so damn tired that I fake like I actually know what I'm doing when I really have no idea. This Spring has been a marathon at a sprinter's pace, and I can't seem to get my mind or heart or soul around it all.

Those are just some of the shadow side, but it makes me wonder if I'm really that authentic or if I'm just good at making folks think I am? Maybe there are times and places where you have to decide which "real" persona you'll put on, but for a youngest child who craves the attention but who also shrinks from it as well, it is a very strange place to live right now.

The good news is that with my students there is really very little bullshit, just with church folks. Maybe that tells me something.