This is what really happened last week.

While I was away at Church Camp for Grownups,I took a class for newly ordained clergy (NOCS). There were nine of us, plus two facilitators who are experienced clergy. The class met for 2.5 hours in the morning, and 2.5 hours in the afternoon, Monday through Thursday, then for three hours on Friday morning.

We talked about some general topics: denominational stuff, collegiality among presbytery colleagues, about the transition from seminary to parish or chaplaincy, etc. But it was the case studies, and discussions with last year's NOCS class where the real scales fell from our eyes. I had never heard such horror stories in all my life!

Granted, we all chose case studies that would reflect the challenges of our ministries to some extent. I know I did, in writing and talking about Letter of Complaint Couple and Marge:Large-And-In-Charge. But, Lord have mercy!!

*Treasurers who steal large (five-digit) amounts of church funds
*Heads of staff who are addicted to porn (and use the church computer for such)
*Bipolar, untreated church secretaries, sessions who are addicted to drama
*Gossippers (who are clearly just making it up as they go along, in an effort to run the new pastor out of town) who spread rumors about the pastor before she even gets to town
*Members who will just walk in the pastor's house (manse) unnannounced, or who will keep track of where the pastor goes in town and how often her car leaves the driveway.

Those are just a few of the stories I heard this week. About half of my NOCS class is looking for the next call. We each have about 2 years under our belt--some a little more, some a little less.

This was scary as hell. I don't just throw around the word evil, but I think there is some real evil lurking in our churches. When did the PC(USA) become flypaper for freaks?

One of the highlights of this week was the keynote address each day, done by the men who wrote this book. On evening I happened, by chance to be ina conversation with them along with some friends of mine. One of the friends played an MP3 of a song which is decidedly not based on a reformed understanding of grace. You can find the song here. **WARNING: a commonly used vulgarity is used in this song repeatedly, alongside God's name. Squeemish should not click the link**

We all had a really good laugh at the song. It's written to a very bouncy, old-time-gospel/bluegrass tune. It will invade your head once you hear it. I'd heard it before; my mentor taught it to me at GA last month.

So, the next day, the guys vaguely referenced this song in the keynote adress, reminding us that our faithfulness to God is not out of fear that "God will mess us up."

After that, every time somebody described a really heinous church member, colleague, staff person, etc., somebody responded (jokingly) that the person telling the story shouldn't worry, "God will mess him/her up."

Here is where my crisis of faith comes in: I remember back in the day, when "knowing" that God was watching out for me, and would "mess up" my ememies made me feel really secure. The truth is, it is hard to serve in a Church (of the larger variety) when you are not sure if somebody has your backside. These stories were that horrible.

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.