So am I the only one who saw Clinton's speech last night and really missed the days when we had a President who could speak smoothly? Eloquently? Speak at all? It's been awhile, I almost forgot what that was like. Yeesh, what a cocktease...

When Clinton gets up to the podium, he's having a one-on-one conversation with each person in the room. His points are all already laid out in his head (i know - amazing, right?) - the teleprompter's just an afterthought.

Then again, last night's speech was pretty basic - a walk in the park for Bill or for anyone for that matter. Going after this President's domestic policy and foreign "policy" is like shooting fish in a barrel. Or just shooting a barrel. ...Or just going out to the store and buying the fish and cooking a nice dinner at home.

Somebody really needs to edit a split screen of Clinton and W, or better yet a back-and-forth, showing them both speaking. Bill laughing and smiling and loving life at the podium and basically doing all those things that connected with voters, got him elected, and infuriated Republicans; while dubya awkwardly stumbles through a speech someone just handed him - making up words, pausing in the wrong places, mispronouncing, pronouncing too strongly...and basically doing all those things that exasperate Democrats (and scare the rest of the world).

And to think: If it weren't for one little blowjob (OK, yes - there were probably a few more), leading to one itty bitty little impeachment, Bill would probably be up there in the Pantheon. Gore would probably be in office. Hundreds of American soldiers, most even younger than me would still be alive and thinking about their future, and estimates of 10,000 innocent Iraqi civilians would still be alive. Do NOT doubt the power of head!

Do you wonder if Iraqis who've lost their family members stay up at night in their small crumbling dilapidated houses, despondent and inconsolable, and dream of driving by Monica Lewinsky's house and egging it? Or maybe at least T-Ping it? I do.

And this reminds me: You ALWAYS want your President getting blown, don't you? A consistently-blown President is a happy President. He's not tense, uptight - feeling like he has to penetrate some foreign country with his missiles. He's relaxed, at ease - he floats through the day, from OPEC to the UN to the Mideast like he's at the beach. Look, our President needs a quality hummer on the grounds of international security and stability, and if the First Lady isn't up to her duties then we definitely need to call in covert back-up forces.

And I still can't believe our country is equally or even more outraged over an extramarital blowjob than an illegal war resulting in the deaths of thousands...who, btw, can no longer give or receive a good extramarital blowjob.

What is it with us and sex? Any comment, Janet? (I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson, if you're nasty?)