I am really fucking pissed off right now!
I am really fucking tired of having the rules changed on me without notice every time Master gets a different sort of wild hair up his ass!

Pardon me, but I didn't get the fucking MEMO about what was and wasn't funny or acceptable this week! SO why the hell am *I* the one in trouble for saying the wrong fucking thing when extremely similar or the SAME shit was funny before!

I mean.. Yeah, I can understand actually saying, "There are rule changes" or something, but just getting all pissed off at me for breaking the new protocol that no one fucking told me fucking EXISTED?? Pardon the hell out of me for not having precognition and telepathy on demand!

I am sick of EVERY damn month, going along and having a perfectly nice, fun conversation, laughing and joking or whatever, and then ALLLL of the sudden, I'm on the shit list for something I had no way of knowing was going to be considered "not funny" or not okay.
So fine. He wants to play the "lets be all PC and not say anything untoward" game? Fine! I can do that. He can have high fucking protocol! He wants me to carefully consider my words and not say anything inappropriate? Fine! But it will make for some awfully stiff, formal and awkward conversations. I get it. He wants obedience and proper behavior now.. Okay. He can have the perfect fucking slave and I will behave properly toward my master.
And I will save my irreverence and fun for my lover.
Since, apparently, he really just doesn't have any interest in being that.

And since he isn't interested in hearing any defense of my actions, or anything other than my saying I was wrong and won't do it again, then I will call someone who WILL hear my side. And who doesn't base what he finds acceptable from me on his current trend. And who can take a fucking JOKE and not take it fucking PERSONALLY if I don't agree with his new viewpoint!

I guess he had good cause to see that other person as a threat after all. Because I have someone I can run to for support when he isn't inclined to give it to me. And since I finally just gave up on trying and trying to get it from him, when all I have to do is need it and sometimes ask for it to get it elsewhere.

Get a clue.. the dog isn't going to beg for 3 days for a bite of kibble when there is all you can eat fresh steak freely given right next door!

Yep. That's right. I'm a fucking piece of shit excuse for a slave. Do I care? Yeah. But not enough to sit around and be miserable when I don;t have to. Cause frankly, at this point, I am really not getting much at ALL out of this slavery business. OR, more to the point, I'm really not getting the positive aspects of it from HIM. No rewards to speak of (wouldn't want me to become a "PRAISE JUNKIE!". cause you KNOW I'm all about that!), no consistent expectations. No actual rational consequences for things.. Just REactions, with no discernible pattern to them.

RAMINA had to fucking prod him into even saying anything to me about the weight I lost! Even though I'm doing it because HE fucking wants me to!
I . DON'T . CARE . If I am fat! I'm fucking DOING it for him! Jesus! Why do I even keep trying to please him and get some sort of approval for it? Am I a closet masochist or what?

I know why though. Because I am a slave and he owns me. Whether I actually decide I want freedom more or not.. It doesn't matter. I am a branded slave and that is that. Even with no collar on my neck, the brand is there. I am a slave forever.