In honor of our nation's official birthday, I give you my...

Ten Reasons Why America Kicks Ass

1) We don't have a queen.

2) Our military-industrial complex can kick your military-industrial complex's ass.

3) We've won the most Nobel Prizes.

4) We can call our leaders douchebags and not get thrown in prison.

5) We don't have a national church (though we're dangerously close to having a national religion).

6) We can buy a .44 magnum if we want.

7) We have the world's largest economy.

8) Our movies gross more worldwide than anyone else's (even though most of them suck).

9) We've never been invaded.

10) We landed on the freakin' moon.