I am a magnet to insanity.

Maybe it's why I'm listening to Gnarls Barkley themed music on Pandora right now. It is the vocalization of it with a tint of morbid that not even goth can capture in the meloncholy way that they do.

John Mayer's Continuum
Lenny Kravitz's Lenny
Gnarls Barkley's St. Elsewhere

Some of the main music that seems to be staying in my head lately.

I suppose I can only deal with things as they come to me but I think there is a big thing with CONFESSIONAL tattooed on my forehead sometimes. If it makes me stone hearted and bitter then maybe because it requires some acid to get rid of the base of pain and insanity. I'll try my best but I can't guarantee results.

Possibly anorexic friend.
Another one the result of ridicule for being far out and doing what works for their...No wonder for their paranoia.
One going through possibly anxiety and never vocalizes their fears though I know they are there and know the power of such things to eat away.
Another rather mistreated by their significant other which bothers me.
This list just goes on.

Fucking hell.

I won't let it pull me down but man...If I start to care and want to do something to help forgive me. If there is nothing I can do then forgive me again. The shit can be tiring.

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Just remembering this breathing thing is all.
At least I feel my muse starting to stir a little bit.

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I finished Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer. Holy god...let me go vomit now.

Thank goodness I bought Ellen Hopkin's latest book called Identical today. Her books are always crazy but there is a rawness to them I like. I've been hooked since Crank but Impulse is probably my favorite. Really really like that book.

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My week flew by. This weekend flew by. Someone pulled the fuckin' rip cord on time again. I'm so effin' tired. I should take a nap or something and then do homework or something after a walk.

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Oh I talked to Mo yesterday. He finally admitted he missed me like for real. Ass face. But I miss him too. He's one of the saner friends I've had which is nice now and then. We reminisced about Chem class and talked about college and just had fun. Who knows though, we have those good talks and then don't speak again for a while. I'm done figuring men out. Whatever will be will be. But I was glad to talk to him, really.

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Alright I'm getting my booty going now for real.
Peace, loovars.
~Lo

P.S.
I'm renaming Jay Mr. Invisible Man because it feels like he is all put invisible until I see him outside. That's another thing I'm taking a day at a time.

P.S.S. Four hours later
Ok....so I am like so screwed. Mr. IM is like...fuck. No PMS and I definitely still like him. We met in front of the Tree unplanned again today. We were talking and all and suddenly I just blurt out in rapid fire "By the way, you are awesome. I just thought I'd let you know that since it's been like bursting in my chest for like five minutes now and my heart is like racing." *moment of silence* "oh, thanks. That's cool."
Yes, great conversations that may only exist in those moments.
Weird thing is we ended up talking about magnets in our conversation. Oh my GOD! I AM SO SCREWED!
Seriously, did the spirit of my school just like pull him out of my mind? He's slowly meeting all of my unsaid qualifications and sometimes it makes me bug the fuck out. AH!!!!!