Wow.
I had my last day of class yesterday for the semester (I have a make=up history class to go to but that doesn't count). I can't believe I'm at the end already. I barely remember the half of this it feels. Like, what the hell? How is it the end of the semester already?

Overall I feel pretty satisfied. I was pretty reclusive and definitely had a tame semester compared to last year. It's been nice but nothing overly memorable really stands out besides my self-defense courses. It's just tiredness in my bones really. It's a rather collective feeling through my class, maybe the nation.

I'm looking forward to a rest. Since I don't know exactly what I'm doing over January break I'm making up a list of things to keep my occupied: studying anatomy, getting back in to writing fiction, building a PVC pipe loom, reading some good books on gender, doing crafts like crochet and drawing, practicing what I learned from self-defense, reading, etc. I want to do some constructive things and have a plan rather than being a blob, Lord of the Rings crazy, vampire lady like I was last year.

~~~~~
So now to blurb about what became my favorite class.

~~~~~

I learned a bit from self-defense this semester. I am a lot more connected to my body (that sounds so ironic/queer [not in the gay way]) than I thought I was. If my body is focused then I am. I can push my body farther than I thought and I can take a hit or few.

Combat arts also require a definite agreement between you and your partner, a sort of trust factor and communication.
Toward the end when working with my instructor we had more of that trust factor. He would tell me not to move and I would stand there in whatever position I was in, frozen solid (or like a mannequin) and let him manipulate me from there as he would. I trusted that he would not hurt me and knew how far he could take it. He also trusted me to keep that position and to not suddenly react and that I had the strength to hold myself wherever he was setting me as he explained to other classmates what he was doing. There was a sort of communication in our limbs. Also the trust was there from the fact that he knew I was dedicated to the class.

When working with a partner in class the trust has to do with the amount of force you are using on each other. The attacker cannot be a totally uncontrolled wild person. They have to be able to have force in their limbs but be able to retract it for the safety of the defender if need be and not let gravity take them wherever it will. If they don't have the control for the amount of force they are using then they need to build up to the force and work on control first. In a real life situation that control is not really necessary but in a practice situation it is. The attacker also needs to understand that even when going slow they need to use the action they are doing as if they were at full speed. They cannot chose to turn the leg to follow the defender just because they have the opportunity to while going slow.

My realization of this was in my beginner class on December 1st where the instructor stepped in for a classmate. I have trouble doing kick blocks with my hands. The coordination there is something I need to work on. The partner I had happens to be the one that ends up pushing some of my tolerance levels. She had uncontrolled, hard and inconsistent kicks that was not a great combination with me already having trouble blocking. After kicking me in the shoulder, hands twice (hands hurt to be kicked in) and then the rib (not as bad as it sounds. It was more shocking than it was painful), the instructor stepped in for her. It was kind of all party's faults.
I was rather erked afterward because there is no way I could go hard on her back. With both people in the class I couldn't really go as hard as I wanted to. Even though it would have been far more realistic going harder I felt like the one would have an emotional breakdown (the one that kicked me hard) and that I would break the other one (who is a very tiny ballet dancer where the only way she ever injured me was from her razor arms). The lack of a good agreement between partners can be particularly frustrating if you are all not on the same sort of commitment level.

For the final for the class my instructor invited the advanced class to the beginner class so we could all get out early. They had had a hard time getting over the fact that five more people would be watching when in the first half of the semester the class was 18 people and we all had to do our final in front of the class. My advanced classmates kind of looked at me like "Are they always that fragile looking?" afterward. Me "Yes...."
Doing self-defense, or any combat art for that matter, you have to know that you are going to get hurt somehow. You have to be willing to accept that pain if that means your life is what you have in return.

A thing I definitely want to explore more is weapon work. We used bo staffs in the last real class and I am in love, yet again. They are fun. I have some excerizes to build my wrist and ankle strength as well so that my joints have a little extra help now. Swing a bo staff (or quarter staff/walking stick or broom stick) is a good way to build wrist and arm strength. I also understand the mechanics so much more than just using my wrists. I think in continuing the combat art style of fitness I will be happier because it is a way to stay fit without the need for crazy equipment or being cramped in a sweat soaked smelly air stagnant gym.

But I've written enough.
On to my next lecture/essay.

Peace.
~Lo