I feel indescribable.

I feel on the edge of tears.

I feel scared.

I feel happy.

I feel solid.

I feel like fate has lead me to the moment I am in.

I feel like I finally understand.

I feel like despite my natural instinct to run that this is something I never had a chance to run from to begin with.

I feel like I am in love.

The realism of my dreams make sense and the ring on my finger begins to carry some meaning as to why I uncomsciously started wearing it this semester when we started talking. I say it now feels like a promise I never knew I made.

I wonder if when I was being guided back from the place where I was lost in my dream that my soulmate had that grin on his face for this reason. He was guiding me to where I was meant to be in this moment. He was guiding me to happiness.

Happiness I have now found. A new found romance in the unexpected media, a media to which I had sworn against falling for anyone through as deeply as this. But I have found someone deeper, someone my age, someone who fits, who gets me and is unwilling to let a moment pass him by.

I.
I hope.
I hope it.
I hope it works.
I hope it works out.
I hope it works out right.
I hope it works out.
I hope it works.
I hope it.
I hope.
I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had had each other added on our IMVU buddy lists for a year and mostly were mere associates in public rooms, never really private chatting until this semester. We really connected and moved from IMVU to MSN talking for great lengths at a time. It was sort of instant. We were drawn together. "Some people click. We snapped" as he said.

Then things sort of changed this past month and we realized together that what we felt for one another went deeper than friendship. So despite my swearing that I would not fall for someone online and could not do it, could not do the online relationship thing...well...I have been changed.

I dreamt of him before I knew how I felt as well and in the dream I was kissing him. It took me by surprise when I woke up and I looked at him somewhat differently. He's only the third e-friend I had ever dreamt of and it was unexpected. I didn't tell him at the time because that would have been strange...but when you walk in to my dreams I have to look.


But I am happy, so happy with the way things are. My mom has never heard me laugh so much or seem so happy and I haven't been so engaged mentally by a person for a while. He is passionate, intelligent, asks great questions, is pleasantly nerdy, cultured, was homeschooled, lived abroad with his parents and is just like...Yeah....I'm kind of melted for him.

Why the secrecy? I wanted to be sure. I wanted to make sure my judgment was clear. It has proved true and here I am jumping too. I have to thank my mom for trusting me and letting this happen and his parents for letting him and him for jumping. It will be a long first date.

He will be here on Wednesday from Texas and it hardly feels real to me. After the months of talking to one another, to growing together in to the moment that we have found...that what we were each seeking was right in front of us...we defy and we will meet.

It is a jump but he is willing to make it and my family is willing to support....I couldn't ask for more.
He'll be the first person from online I have met ever.

I'll probably have a heart attack and die on Wednesday so um...I love you guys.
Just kidding.

It hasn't quite hit me yet that this is really going to happen even though the flight is booked. I'll be able to see him, to hear him, to touch him, to smell him...all at once.
It's crazy.

So yeah. I realize this doesn't explain everything but it's still kind a bit to explain to myself.

Oh and his name is Ben and yeah, I know he will have hellfire to pay if he hurts me but I don't see that happening right now.
For now: carpe diem.

Peace.
~Lo

P.S. For anyone that has seen my facebook relationship status change I hope this satisfies.