I dreamt last night that I was playing my broken violin. It was not so broken that I could not play it.
It fit between my chin and my shoulder and collar bone even without my shoulder rest and padding. The chin rest was hard but steady under my chin. The first notes were awkward. My fingers were not sure if they could still play. And then I found my place and the music started coming out right and I simply played.

I was playing music on my broken violin and it was lovely...to just be lost in it.

There were other elements of my dreaming but that struck to me just today as I saw the violinist in Christina Aguilera's Save Me From Myself video.

Sometimes it strikes me, the overwhelming beauty that is this world.
I think I am having a series of those days where I am simply in love with everything around me and completely amazed by every moment that I am alive, even in my tiredness and semi-frustrations. My being simply cannot take in enough of the wonders of the world.

If you ever come to my school for whatever reason I strongly encourage you to go to the third floor of the library and just sit in wonder at the beauty of it, that someone had the idea to create this interesting angular and curiously lit place. Everything is interesting and custom made and the entire building is a piece of art in itself as I cannot think that has been done for an age. The eye is drawn to everything. There is something to be found everywhere.

How can I concentrate when I am breathing in the world with new eyes?
How can I concentrate when I am only focused on the greatness and beauty which I am in?
It is strangely frustrating.
I really just want to sit with a music book for hours or drift through the pages of a chemistry book or sit here and see how all the pieces fit together or stand outside and wonder at the wind.
I want to be as a child again and be allowed in to be as a child again in my embracing of the glory of the world.
I want to go singing.
I want to play a broken violin.

Forgive me for I'd rather speak in verse than curse.
Forgive me for the stirrings in my soul that would rather not be confined to the confinement of the everyday thing that requires me write of Enlightening that is not the sort of enlightening that I am experiencing.

I am like the Nile,
I never dry out
but sometimes I flood
and baby I am overflowing.

I wish my words came out of my mouth
in the rythems in my fingers that they do.
I can never make them form quite the stylus of words
that my fingers seem to so easily create
the rythem that I am hearing in my ears continually
that my fingers tap out just
so.

I wish my body could move
in the graceful ways
that I see the dancers in my mind moving.
If I trained my voice maybe it could sing as I hear the music in my mind going.

But I have gone on for free verse
for long enough now.

For despite my desirings
I am bound to obligation
and obligation
states
that I have a paper to write
and not poetry.

Adios.
Peace.
~Lo

18 days of YFAT