To be quite honest I am really fucking tired right now. No, not even forking, fucking. Yeah, full force curse word.

I went to a college friend's house last night and basically we did not sleep. The last five of us went to sleep at 7:30am when the sun was rising in the sky. I think I woke up around 11:30am and had been up since 11am in 2009.
Yeah...

It was interesting. My college friends can hold their liquer for sure. Me? I nursed the same red-cup drink titled "Hot Sex" for at least 3hrs. It was some mix of like cocoa stuff, bananna shiz, some other stuff um....whipped cream and chocolate syrup. I may have gotten the slightest buzz but I can tell you: my brain rejects that shit. I am not a drinker. I don't think I can be or will be. I simply do not like losing control. I mean I'm okay with being fuzzy from exhaustion or even a concussion (high school junior year) but it's different. It is clear somehow, if you get what I am saying. It is more my body than my mind. Conclusion: drinking people are okay, I just most likely won't be one of them because I don't like the feeling.

It was a fun time. I played on a Wii for the first time ever. We played a huge game of Apples to Apples (11 people playing, huge), did some Air Hockey, and mostly just sat around talking for most of the night and playing with dogs. The ball dropped somewhere in there. Midnight wasn't a huge deal. Actually the ball dropping lead to a huge political conversation. I realize how infected my brain has been by my major at this point when I am able to think of some historical fact contributing to most any conversation. Some times one of the guys would get annoyingly loud (and hiccuping for hours while he rambled which was semi-hilarious) but mostly it was just entertaining. This one kid told the most rediculous stories about his brothers. I sat there half the time just listening and dying of laughter as he was big and animated telling about his brother scaring the shit out of him driving like a stunt driver in full traffic or crazy parties or incidents with fish ("It was gonna eat us, a freaking dinosaur sized fish!").
Good times.


~~~~

In the past year I experienced a lot and I learned a lot. Some of the landmarks:
I declared my major (history, still need to declare that Soc minor).
I shed the "teen" (at least as far as my legal age goes).
I met Peat.
I met Ben (it was nice-ish at the time but failed).
I confirmed that I cannot do long distance relationships.
I met gross-Nick (e-person fail, punching-the-air-while-running success).
I cut 15 inches of hair that I had initially grown because I thought it looked beautifully feminine. Shedding it I found my real face and personality again. I think it was a metaphor of becoming who I am and what works for me rather than attempting to hold and maintain and unrealistic ideal for me (carrying a blonde mane that is overwhelming and that I didn't really care for anyway). From there I think it was a symbol of me really reevaluating my life, what I do, how I perform, etc. It is funny how much I saw in that hair being gone. But it was like ending one stage and beginning another.
I learned to swim and made it across the deep end without a flotation device and without peeing the pool from fear.
I had one of the most sane semesters ever this Fall where I felt geuninely more level than I can recall feeling for some time. I had lows but they were not nearly so mad bad as they had been. I didn't feel it as deeply before. I just kept swimming.
I saw Ray (bio-dad) again for the first time in years and it was actually okay.
I was not roommates with Sammy this fall but we did fine as friends still.
I had a semester without Guy and missed her, do miss her.
I dropped off the planet with writing fiction.
I lost my virginity and realized how overrated it is. It was not any more magical than my first kiss (and that was no big deal) and a hell of a lot more awkward. Even more truthfully: it sucked, it hurt, it's done. TMI statement over.

~~~~~

Here's to the new decade and the new year. I feel as though 2010 will be a lot better a year for me. I just feel good about it, like there will be a lot of joy in the coming year. I don't try to anticipate the future too much but this just feels right.

Farewell first decade of the second millennium in the Christian-Western reckoning...
Hello new one.

Happy New Year.

I'm going to sleep now (at 11:00-ish pm).
Peace.
~Lo

P.S.
Eight years displayed! YEAH! I do get excited each new year with that extra number set added. Mmhmm I'm getting ooold!

P.P.S.
Oh and notice how we're back to saying "Twenty ten" instead of "Two thousand and nine." I mean "Twenty-oh-nine" just sounds strange. "Two thousand and ten" takes too long. So we're back to 20th century style like "Nineteen eighty-nine."
Just thought I'd point that out. It's interesting to me.