"This is not your life," I say. "This a moment in your life. You decide who you are from here on out. Not this incident. It would be nice if they believed you, but they never will and your life shouldn't be about proving it to them. You took the stand and you said what you had to. That is all you get here.

"I've seen people who let something like this destroy them. People who became obssessed with it and spent all their time just thinking about the injustice done. You can't let that happen. The person in front of me is bright and charismatic and has a future, even if their past has been less than stellar.

"There is no letter branded on your forehead. You can move two counties away and no one will know about this. This is a shadow. You have a long life ahead of you. You can feel pain now. There's nothing wrong with that, and it is natural. But remember, this is a brief shadow on a life that has many good things ahead of it. You can make more for yourself."

-------------------------

Never tell them, "I understand." Because they look at you and see a person with everything right in their lives. You have the suit and the job and the respect, and they need you to fill that role. You don't sleep in a car, or clean yourself in a McDonald's restroom, or have to leave that aching tooth alone until it is so bad that the emergency room will have to treat you. There is no way you could understand. You haven't lived this life. Even if you have. They don't want or need to know.

Later - same day.

"So how many times a day do you catheterize your son?"

"Every four hours. And I clean him after he soils himself. He has to wear special underpants."

"How old is he now?"

"Thirteen. They've been trying to get me to put him into a special home for years."

"Don't let Fred get you down. He's been doing his job too long and he is cynical. I personally admire you. Most people would have put your son in the specialized care. You just have to keep remembering that you are doing what you think is right."

"There is no way I could put him in some home. I carried him for nine months inside of me. I'm always going to be there for him."

Soothing meaningless words. Counseling, not lawyering. It placates them and makes me feel good. It's not the job though. The job is doing something for these people besides holding their hands. What did I do at work yesterday? Played around on the fucking internet too much. Caved in on a negotiation. Procrastinated and got the easy stuff out of the way while the difficult tasks with more pressing deadlines sat waiting. I feel so fucking inadequate some days.

I did finally get hired by the new organization that we are merging with . There was only a very slight chance that it wouldn't happen. Next month I have six trials lined up. I was almost hoping they'd fire me and someone else would have to take over. Two more weeks until I get some vacation time in.