I had a long trial today and I have an emergency appearance at 7:30 this evening in an outlying court. Then I am on my first vacation of any length for almost a year.

No more immersing myself in other people's shitty lives, no stress of preparing for trials and beating myself up for the way I performed. No briefs to write, no motions to prepare.

I tried to explain this to my old girlfriend once. No, my job doesn't physically wear me out. No, I don't go home bored and wondering if I can put up with another day of doing the same shit day in and day out. I've had jobs where I felt those ways. This is a different kind of weary. It's the kind of weary that comes from endless confrontation. Fighting over what words mean, fighting over what facts mean, fighting with my client about what they can realistically expect to happen.

Then there are the internal battles. There is never enough of me to go around. How do I prioritize and how much effort should I expend on behalf of one client at the expense of another, and when do I have to say to screw my clients and spend time on myself? Should I settle, should I try? Should I raise an objection or will the objection just serve to highlight a fact that I don't want emphasized? How do I get through to this judge? How can I turn what this witness said back on itself?

In one decision on the federal government reimbursing attorneys for time spent travelling to and from court, a judge wrote that while travelling to court an attorney would be thinking about what they were going to say, and that on the way back from court they would be thinking about what they should have said.

The weekends aren't enough. By Sunday I'm usually about half way wound down. Sort of relaxed, but really just enough to start to enjoy it. God I need this time. Just me and the snow and my books and my family and my computer.

They are supposed to be interviewing a new office manager on Monday and everyone is supposed to be there to talk to the candidates. Fuck that. I'm on vacation. I gave them a month's notice. And I need it. And I don't want to think about anything to do with law or my office, and I damn well am not going to. And if they don't like it I can go make $75.00 an hour doing court assigned cases, and they can find someone else to cover those six trials next month.

No later than 9:00 p.m this evening I will be driving home from court in the boondocks and that will freckin be it.