For no reason whatsoever, I'm declaring today National Ugly Tie Day. I have a very ugly red tie with large blue and grey squares that I'm going to wear with my greenish brown suit today. If anybody asks, I'll tell them that there is this holiday you can find out about on the internet, and I won't be lying because it is here on this internet site.

Conversation this morning

Receptionist: So, late again today. What computer game have you gotten yourself so addicted to now that you can't tear yourself away from to make it to work on time?

Me: Fuck you. I was having trouble picking a tie out.