I knew I had a trial in the afternoon today, so yesterday I went looking for the file. I spent about 1/2 an hour looking and then said to heck with it. I was a bit annoyed but I figured I had plenty of time the next morning.

So today, I go hunting for the thing systematically. First, I check the spot where it should be in the filing system. Then I look through every place I can think of in the office. Just to be sure, I do it again. Having ruled out the office I check with the main filing system in case it ended up with all the closed cases. Then I check with the three secretaries in case one of them has it.

Nothing. Of course in between all of this, I have to meet with two clients with emergencies and spend some time providing instruction for a new attorney. The instruction time was a disaster because I was so distracted.

The I run into the boss. "What you are doing this afternoon?" she says.

"Oh, I have a trial," I reply.

"Great, why don't you take the new attorney along," she says.

"Ok."

Wonderful. I'm missing the file, and I'll have the new attorney, who I've already failed to impress, watching over my shoulder.

So, instead of taking lunch I drive home, thinking that maybe I brought the file home with me. The drive is forty minutes round trip. I spend twenty minutes tearing the apartment apart. Nothing.

I get back to work. I decide to take one more systematic look around the office before I start rehearsing important phrases I'll be needing shortly in the future like "Would you like to biggie size that?" and "The big gap in my resume? I had to take care of my mother for five years. She was very ill."

So where do you figure the file actually was? Right in my file cabinet, placed alphabetically exactly where it was supposed to be.

You know what? Fuck this. I like Lime Diet Coke, but they ought to make it in decaf. It's definitely affecting my ability to concentrate, and my secretary tells me I'll probably have my first heart attack before I'm 50.