Before getting into the very bad news, I thought I would discuss my girlfriend and her kid. I am at her home right now. Basically, about two and a half years ago my girlfriend met this guy and fell in love with him. She is 29 and he is about four years younger than her. They were both college students, she having returned to school after a lot of travel, assorted jobs, and a failed marriage, and he just taking the long path towards a degree in philosophy. A year after the two of them moved in together, she got pregnant.

At first, he was all into it, was getting ready to quit school and help raise a family. She had a lot of complications from her pregnancy, possibly relating to her own medical problems which include juvenile onset diabetes, and a stomach reflux problem. She was hospitalized repeatedly, and came very close to death, but was determined to have the child. And for the most part, he was there to support her.

About five months into the pregnancy, he walked out on her, told her the relationship was over, and started dating two other women. From what I can gather, he told her wanted nothing to do her or their child. Meanwhile, her condition continued to deteriorate. She ran up about $80,000 worth of medical bills and gave birth six weeks prematurely. Because of the way things fell out during the pregnancy, she is very bitter towards her former boyfriend, even though he has since indicated that he would like some role in the child's life. Her family is reasonably well off and have helped her through her difficult financial period.

She and I have a lot in common. We both are science and fiction and fantasy nuts, we both are naturalists, we have similar taste in movies. The physical end of our relationship works well, and I don't have a problem with her having a young child.

I'm not in love with her, and I don't know that I will be. I know that certain things about us as a couple work fairly well, and for the time being I am satisfied with the way things are going. I think that she sees me as a potential substitute father for her child, a role that I am somewhat ambivalent about. If our relationship continues, I wouldn't mind filling that position, but as the father of a child who's mother I do not live with, I am very conscious of not overstepping my bounds.

I'm also not sure that she is over her previous relationship, and I would not want to stand in the way of two parents of a child from becoming a genuine family.

Ours is not a relationship of love, but one of commonality of interest, and comfort. Is that enough long term? Somehow I doubt it, but for now I'm just going to enjoy the ride.


And the very bad news....................................

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I definitely have a few gray hairs. I can't see them, but my girlfriend pulled one out and showed it to me. Damn it. I'm 38, but I thought I wasn't supposed to grow old.