As part of my job, I have been reading up on domestic violence. A lot of the literature describes very passive women who define themselves by their relationships, and along with these women are controlling men who abuse women as a means increasing their own sense of self-esteem. In my work, I think I can say that I've seen this pattern, but it doesn't characterize the majority of relationships I've run into. While some women fit this characterization of being very passive, most women that I've had as clients and as opponents run the gamut of personalities. I've had female clients raped and beaten by their significant others, but I've also had female clients who beat up their spouses. I've seen allegations of domestic violence used as a tool in numerous custody cases. Even women who are victims of domestic violence don't have to fit that passive stereotype. I've had female victims of domestic violence who, rather than sit back passively and let me run the show, actively and assertively took part in their cases. Women who had definitely been beaten by ex-boyfriends, but weren't afraid to tell me a thing or two.

Elena Howe, the main character in the fiction novel "Do with me as you will" by Joyce Carol Oates, which I just finished reading, is an extreme version of the passive woman described in the domestic violence literature. In fact, she seems less a real person than an archetype. She is a very beautiful woman married to a much older, very successful criminal defense attorney, and she willingly views herself as a possession of his. Early on the book, shortly after they are married, they are standing in one of his mansions, surrounded by expensive paintings and furniture, and it is clear that she has become his most prized piece of art. Later on the book, someone informs her that her husband has been cheating on her for some time with many different women, and she tells them, "It doesn't work like that. He possesses me, I don't possess him." Elena is extremely introverted, has no ambition, and functions on a completely intuitive level. She is bright, but intentionally keeps herself uninformed. The only thing that motivates Elena is her need for the love of certain people: her mother, her husband, and later in the book, a man who she has an affair with. Her sense of self-worth is contained in her ability to satisfy these people.

There is no question that Elena's husband Marvin loves her. He dotes on her, buying her whatever she wants, calling her constantly from work. He is also her complete opposite. He is egocentric, outgoing, and a work-a-holic. He works hard, he plays hard, and he has connections everywhere. As an attorney, he will do whatever it takes to convince a jury that his client is innocent, not even questioning the ethics of it. His successes in the courtroom, not his ethics, are what make him an admired and even feared person.

The author has a pretty negative view of the court system. The events in the novel take place in the 50's, 60s, and early 70s and ties into the civil rights and peace movements. In one case, a black man is openly murdered by a white police officer and the jury spends six minutes debating who is going to be spokesmen before returning a "not guilty" verdict. Meanwhile innocent protestors are sentenced to several years in prison for the most trivial offenses, because of course their real crime was questioning the status quo. Early on in the novel and in his career, Marvin Howe defends a man who shot someone five times in the head and in the chest. His defense is temporary insanity, and Marvin carefully and skillfully manipulates his witnesses to produce the story he needs to win his case. It is clear though that the author doesn't buy the insanity defense. The accused murderer's son tells Marvin that his father made himself insane so he could get away with it. He studied how to make himself sick, and then he deliberately obsessed and drove himself into the state he was in when he committed the murder.

Jack Morrisey, the young boy whose father committed murder, grows up to become an attorney himself. His clients are poorer than Marvin Howe's, and he has a certain streak of activism about him, but his tactics and cynicism are similar to those of the more famous attorney. He is married and at the beginning of what looks to be a promising career. One day he spots Elena Howe, figures out who she is, and becomes instantly smitten with her. She finds herself irresistibly attracted to him too, and for perhaps the first time in her life, acts on the basis on her own wants and desires. Their relationship threatens to turn both of their lives upside down, but they are helpless in the grips of their need for each other. They meet in secret for several months, and then try to separate and complete their lives. She moves to a home a thousand miles away, and he adopts a son in an effort to save his failing marriage.

I will not give away the end of the book, other than to say that, in the spirit of such literature, it is not entirely happy. It is however, very satisfying.

And now some more crap sent to me by my ex-girlfriend:

A man and his wife are on a lakeside vacation. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops the anchor, and opens the book she brought.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up
alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that
obvious?").

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"Yes, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"I see that, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that sir, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"Ma'am, I haven't touched you!" says the game warden.

"That's true she said, but you have all the equipment. For all I know,you could start at any moment."

The game warden said, "Have a nice day Ma'am", and he quickly left.

MORAL: NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN WHO READS. IT'S LIKELY SHE CAN ALSO THINK...