At this point, I assume that no one else is reading this, and that anything I write here is a sort of internal memo.

I yelled at a panhandler today. He was in the small city next to my tiny hometown. In all my years, I had never seen a panhandler there, and it annoyed me. What annoyed me more is that he looked like someone who shouldn't be panhandling. He had a college prep look. He was young and relatively attractive, with strong legs. He was riding a bicycle that at first glance looked like it might have cost a few hundred dollars. I was irritated because it seemed ridiculous that there was this kid who looked smart and fit and riding a bicycle asking me for money. I went "Are you kidding me? Sell your bicycle! My god, in (insert small city name) of all places."

He visibly winced. I felt a little bit sorry. I've seen plenty of pandhandlers in the city I work in. They are easy to spot. You don't let them make eye contact, and you ignore any attempts they make at conversation. They are more obvious though. They look down on their luck, and they are a bit scary. I'd be afraid to yell at most of them, although I went off on a black guy in those ridiculous pants and the cap twisted to the side. He thought he had a line, and it was so stupid that I yelled at him. But I remember having another black guy approach me once. He looked well dressed. Like wearing a nice leather jacket that I would guess cost a t least $100.00.

So anyway, afterwards I thought about what I do for a living and how meaningless it sometimes feels. My job seems to be to act as a fly in the ointment. I'm like the equivalent of a tax preparer - a profession that would be totally unnecessary if the absurd tax code were simplified. The state I live in especially keeps creating these niches. Yes, I can help individuals, but in the overall scheme of things I'm doing nothing to help the economics of my region. I'm an extra cog that shouldn't be necessary.

I'm doing it because it's nice to have a job, and it's nice to feel financially secure. I'll take the money as long someone feels that what I'm doing is useful. It's not very satisfying though.