HA HA! Today for the first time ever, I stood toe-to-toe with my poetry workshop instructor and held most of my intellectual ground! HA HA! She challenged me to explain why I write what I write, why so visceral? she asked. Why do you try to represent real life with surrealism? she asked. HA HA! Because I live to challenge bourgeoisie values, conservative values, kings and politicians, atheists and Christians. Don’t you think that your position simply reifies the positions of those you oppose? she asked. Well, of bloody fucking hell course I do. We reify each other and survive off each other, sometimes tempering each other, sometimes draining each other. I love my opponents because I admit that I am defined by what opposes me. Don’t you think that sometimes subtlety is more dangerous than overt language? she asked. Yes, of course, I think that subversive qualities are found in many forms of writing (and art), but today, I am blatant and obvious. Tomorrow, I may be something else.

She then said my work isn’t “social” whatever that means. That statement really burned me up because she and her avant-garde cronies are the most anti-social bunch of writers this side of Ganymede (the servant, not the moon). Want to see for yourself? Try this link to my teacher’s poetry and decide for yourself:

http://epc.buffalo.edu/authors/osman/periodic/

Then we argued about the high literary language used by post-structuralisms and the dangers that abstract writing poses. She, being raised on such language, took great umbrage at the thought. She should. I do not discount the possibility that the avant-garde is power hungry and seeks to create a new language with which they can exploit their readership. But, you, dedicated readers know my stance. I won’t repeat it here.

For about two weeks I've had an online personal ad posted on www.nerve.com and I’ve had only two responses. Neither worked out past the first email. However, I’ve been meeting new women in person consistently for the past three weekends and getting dates. Why is my virtual avatar not doing as well as I am? How is it possible that I represent myself better in person than I do in virtual reality? Shouldn’t a condensed version of me that lists my better qualities attract more women than my human self and all its apparent flaws?

Last night Shelley won the poetry slam at Dirty Frank’s for the second time in a row. Her prize was a bottle of merlot. If Shelley wins on the April 1st slam, she will have hat-tricked the competition. Gotta give the little lady props. Keep rocking, Shelley! Again, I didn’t even place. Maybe I can ride her coat tails to glory, or to whatever recognition being the best slam poet at Dirty Franks affords.

I am reading tomorrow (Wednesday) at Temple University as the opening act for Dr. Alan Singer who is the head of Temple University’s Creative Writing department. I know this was probably a random selection but I like to think that maybe somehow someone chose me to read for the guy. I am going to read three of my most visceral poems in honor of my poetry instructor. Whoever runs is bourgeois, whoever stays still is a well-disciplined bourgeois.


—I'M EASY. JUST ONCE IN A WHILE THERE'S SOMETHING STUPID.