I have to admit, for all the ranting and raving I did in my mind before the Thanksgiving Holiday, you would have thought I was a raving lunatic because the holiday actually turned out Nice. Actually, better than nice...it was, in fact, almost enjoyable. And when they asked W. to pray, he passed the ball to me and they didn't hardly flinch at all (but I had my eyes closed. Funny thing is, W. doesn't pray out loud and never has, so it was somewhat comical for them to ask him to do it this time!)

But I digress...I say almost because I still felt slighted every time (and they said it at least 6 or 7 times a day) "A.'s such a Momma's boy," and when they compared A. to W. in all his perfection. The implication I heard (and I know, this is my own issue) was that it was a bad thing for A. to cling to me with these strangers in our house (they've seen him once since he was 9 months old)...that if he should cling to anyone it should be his "perfect" father whom he looks and acts so much alike.

Now, don't get me wrong, this is a very small thing for what was a very enjoyable time of bonding both with my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law who will soon have baby Joshua after many years of miscarriages and heartache.

But there were times I wanted to say, "You know, he does cling to me because I am his constant (as W. says). W. has been on the road since the middle of September and A. was being rather cautious of him as well since W. had just gotten home on Sunday. I am the one who stays up with him when W. is out of town. I'm the one that gets him ready for school, who wrestles with him on the floor, who bathes him and takes him to the park. I'm the one who has to do breathing treatments with A. every 3-4 hours around the clock when he is sick. I'm the one that gives the doctor in the emergency room A.'s medical history when we have to go because A. has had an allergic reaction to Zyrtec. So, yeah, he clings to me. I'm his mother and back off!"

But, I don't say any of these things. I keep them to myself, knowing that they probably don't mean it that way. And even if they do, so what? It just feels like sometimes I wish that someone in the damn family would say, "Gee, it must be hard doing this by yourself when W. is out of town." Or, "You know, you have done a great job with A.." W. says that, but I admit it is often when I prompt him!
This is probably a youngest child issue.

And the flip side is that a friend of mine recently made the comment, "You know, you are really a good mother especially since you are having to do it with one hand tied behind your back...You know, it's like you are a single mom with W. out of town all the time!" And it really, really, really pissed me off, so maybe I should be careful what I wish for. (She also said some things about my parenting style that were rather harsh and judgmental, but after all she has a "perfect" child herself. I'm working on getting over that...)

I think this has been brought up today because A. will go in for surgery next Monday to remove his adnoids (a sinus infection and/or ear infection every month since he was four months old), and W. has gotten a call to go out of town next Monday afternoon. After freaking out about it, I called my mom and she is going to come and stay with us (after a lot of negotiating - thank you, Dad, for stepping in!) for a couple of days.

With the surgery and Christmas and all the house stuff, we need the money and if W. doesn't work in December he doesn't get paid, but it obviously brought up this feeling of, "Oh, shit, I have to do this by myself again."

And as anxious as I am about my baby going in for surgery, I know God will provide because God provided during the emergency room visits and RSV diagnosis at 4 months, and through the upper respiratory infections and stomach viruses last Spring which had A. at the doctor's office 15 times between the end of January and the beginning of March. God provided this summer through the raging sinus and ear infections, and God will provide as A. heals for two days after this surgery.

Is it so bad, though, to want a little credit for being the constant? Maybe as a mom I shouldn't need it...