Charybdis

The Yeti
By Philip Jucker
www.fictionpress.com/read...id=1694018

The author is fourteen years old, another of NP’s group of underage writers, and I am wondering if he got their parents consent before using their stories here. The story adds nothing new to the tales of the Yeti and closely resembles some of the ones in films and fiction. The dialog is clumsey. The plot is unoriginal.

“About 120 corpses still were somewhere on the mountain and only half of those were actually officially dead. Some people got buried by avalanches, others froze to death. But sometimes bodies disappeared. In several cases, people couldn't find any corpses under avalanche snow. Others simply never returned. Nobody knew what a thing.”

The word avalanche is used twice and very closely together. The writer should try as much as possible to vary their wording. And I have to ask what he means by “Nobody knew what a thing” means.

The story needed an editor.

Charybdis Stormy Weather I'm ex-military and a friend of Cussedness. I've been in and out of trouble since the day I was born. I decided it was time I got a journal of my own just to show my support for her. I'm not a writer and I don't pretend to be a fount of wisdom. However, I do have an opinion.
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Previous Entry :: Next Entry Mood: Happy Read/Post Comments (0) Share on Facebook		2004-10-29 4:39 PM the last of the reviews for the moment The Yeti By Philip Jucker www.fictionpress.com/read...id=1694018 The author is fourteen years old, another of NP’s group of underage writers, and I am wondering if he got their parents consent before using their stories here. The story adds nothing new to the tales of the Yeti and closely resembles some of the ones in films and fiction. The dialog is clumsey. The plot is unoriginal. “About 120 corpses still were somewhere on the mountain and only half of those were actually officially dead. Some people got buried by avalanches, others froze to death. But sometimes bodies disappeared. In several cases, people couldn't find any corpses under avalanche snow. Others simply never returned. Nobody knew what a thing.” The word avalanche is used twice and very closely together. The writer should try as much as possible to vary their wording. And I have to ask what he means by “Nobody knew what a thing” means. The story needed an editor. Read/Post Comments (0) Previous Entry :: Next Entry Back to Top