So I've been home now for thirty six hours or so and I finally have both the energy and mental capacity to make this post.

Coming home was a strange, strange thing. I was certainly glad to be back but everything felt just a little off after being gone so long. For example, I couldn't remember what was in which drawer in my dresser and both the ability to take a bath and the sheer size of the shower (the Clarion showers were TINY) threw me. Also, my desk had been rearranged a bit and a new monitor provided by my husband because the old one wasn't working well. I didn't even notice the monitor though until he pointed it out.

However, this post is more about what I did or didn't get out of Clarion, and that's a hard set of things to quantify.

I learned a lot while I was there, though right now I'm not sure I could say exactly what though I know a few things about myself as a writer and about my writing process I didn't know before. I even got a motto: there are no spearcarriers. I also left Clarion knowing that I really did want to be a writer. I mean I'd always thought so, but now I know. Hopefully that knowledge will help me develop the dedication I need to do all the hard work necessary.

I also met some great people, many of whom I am going to try very hard to keep in touch with. I suspect those who I'm talking about know who they are. Some may be changing their email adresses as we speak. :) Seriously though, these were intelligent, interesting people who often saw the world in completely different ways than I did. Often that was the most helpful thing to have because it forced me to, if only for a moment, see things differently too. I really think as a person that helped me grow.

There are a lot of other good things I got from Clarion: good memories, a close encounter with a squirrel, lots of good connections in the field, and tons of helpful advice.

What I didn't get was the magical free pass that says "Now you can write" and honestly I didn't expect too. (Though a girl can always hope). I don't think I had any major breakthroughs, a lot of minor revelations that will be helpful, but nothing that pushed my writing to that next level. That's my job, and Clarion has shown me what tools I have and what I lack for the job. In many ways that's better than a breakthrough. Sometimes breakthroughs are flukes. Learning how to do it all alone is repeatable, if harder.

I didn't leave thinking I was the best writer. Hell, I'm not even in the top ten, but I did leave thinking I had the potential to be better than when I arrived.

Clarion isn't about the secret to writing. There isn't one, not really. Not unless it is to not be afraid to constantly learn, grow, and change. And that's probably the secret to life too so not overly specific to the field. Clarion is about learning to understand how you write, what you write, and why you write. At least it was for me.

I'm sure everyone else got something different. That's the magic of Clarion.