So,

Ever since I was young, I've had these fantasies about running away. Just getting away from everyone and everything I know and being off by myself. In the past, this would include fantasies of strange places and stranger women. These days, the women are still strange, but there's nothing strange about the places except that I haven't had the freedom to explore them yet. Then there's the question of what I'd be doing...thoughts that have a self-destructive air to them. I admit, I secretly find nihilism to be terribly romantic, despite the fact that I'm completely aware that the idea is flat-out stupid. Still, I can't help it. I want to run away. To Venice, to Las Vegas, to New Orleans, to San Francisco. I want to have unprotected group sex with women who have extensive tatoos and pretty boys with beautiful eyes, I want to shoot, snort, and smoke drugs of all types, I want to dance until I drop, I want to take a road-trip to Manitoba.

Goddamn it, I want to hit bottom.

For a brief time, I knew a girl who might have let me explore some of these desires, but I didn't realize the fact that she stood in Matsuoka-san's kitchen and had a conversation with me meant she was *interested*. By the time I realized it, we never managed to be in the same zip code at the same time. I miss her.

I think I need a smoke.


You coming?