[Listening: "Giving Ground," SisterHood]

Apparently it's Valentine's Day.

This means absolutely nothing to me, of course. I can't even work up the emotion to be actively bothered by it, really. Ho-hum. Yes, alone. Big deal. I suppose after a few years you get used to this sort of thing.

I should have bought drugs in preparation for this...except for the fact that I dislike the concept of doing drugs by myself. I suppose, then, I should have arranged something. This, of course, is assuming I can actually afford to get high, which I can't.

Some people take issue with my choice to get high. Rarely does anyone come up with a reason for me not to. As a form of entertainment, it costs money; many things do. Depending on what you choose, you can alter your state for more or less than the price of a movie. Even a rental, in some cases. The issue of health is a fair one, except for that it doesn't apply to me. The few things that I partake in that could be construed as hazardous to my health are rarely consumed and, truth be told, my health is of little concern to me anyway. I've always had my own limits, my own problems, my own pains. Most of them don't register on other people's radar. Last week, I woke up to find that my wrist was in severe pain. I'd put no pressure on it while I slept, it just hurt if I tried to move it at all. Ultimately, I went back to sleep and it went away. For as long as I can remember, I've had sharp, stabbing pains in my chest that are completely random. No one (professional or otherwise) has ever been able to tell me what causes them. I get random headaches. Back in high school, my legs once *ached* for several months. No known cause. (Not to be confused with the time in HS that I had a cyst near the base of my spine that temporarily made walking nigh-impossible for me until they sliced me open. Local anesthetic is a fantasy, btw; such a thing does not exist.) The most normal things I've ever had are chicken pox and mono, the latter of which I'll never forget, as I recall crying due to the rather intense pain induced by trying move from the couch to the car to the hospital.

I'm not sure what I'm getting at with all this, but my point is that I'm not overly concerned with my health. The few unfortunate things that have happened to me are completely unrelated to anything I've ever done and I've been just careful enough with my body that I have never broken or fractured a bone or anything similar (disjointed a finger catching a football once, tho; popped it back. Ow).

What I'm saying is, I guess, that getting fucked up doesn't fall anywhere on my list of health concerns. Of course, there's also the question of mental health and to that I say "blah." Go look at the Vaults of Erowid and learn something, then ask me about my actual habits, rather than what you percieve my habits to be.

Truth is, I really don't have anything to worry about because I've got nothing to lose.