Ok,

Tell me.

Why is it that there are certain people who, when I'm told about anything positive going on in their lives, cause me to feel anything from annoyed (at best) to bitter and/or depressed (at worst)?

Do I feel that these people have, in some sense, done me wrong? Yes. However, that was a long time ago. Was I justified in feeling that way then? It depends. In a logic sense, no. In an emotional sense, yes. Like I said, though, that was a long time ago. So, why do I still feel this way? Why am I still bothered after all these years? It's not as if any of it actually matters.

I suppose it's because I have nothing going on over here. They say, after all, that success is the best revenge and I haven't had any of that. One of them has me beat in transportation, the other one arguably has me beat in adventures (or will). Both have me beat, I'm sure, in general happiness, with their significant others, their indie-geek mindset and cleverer-than-thou bullshit.

Shit...I guess I still hate them.

Not very cool of me, I imagine, especially since they're both terribly nice to me these days, but what can I do? I'm mentally ill and emotionally fucked up (or is that the other way around?). I don't mean it in the cool way, either, I mean the I-need-a-fucking-prescription-to-be-a-productive-member-of -society way.

This shit isn't cool.

Worse, I know there's only one or two ways this is going to go away. Wait, maybe three ways, but the last one involves negative things to happen to them...which I kind of want. I mean, really, shouldn't really horrible, horrible things happen to people who hurt me?

I think so, selfish prick that I am.

They don't even know. I'm sure of it. They don't even know that after all this time I still want their hearts ripped to fucking shreds.

Or, maybe they do, now. Not exactly all hidden here on the internet, are we?

Fuck it; I really don't care. I really don't need either of them in my life; everything they've given me in the past is paid and anything they've given me since then is debt they owe me.

Jesus, I'm in a foul fucking mood...

Fucking hell, I'm a horrible person...

Christ, do I not care...

Some days, my dear readers, I'm astounded that any of you associate with me. Other days, I'm reminded that many of you know people that make me look like Santa Claus with my delusions of villainy.

Yeah, I think it's time to stop embarassing myself. I don't really know what the fuck I'm talking about, after all.

Just deal with it, you miserable fuck. You've got a lot of nerve complaining, what with all the shit you have. You don't work, you don't struggle, you sleep all day, you don't do a fucking thing. Who the fuck said you're allowed to complain about a goddamned thing?

True enough.