So, I suspected something was wrong on Wednesday evening.

By Friday I was congested.

I actually thought for a minute I was getting sick.

But no...it was just time.

Time for my body to fake sick so it can fill my sinuses with phlegm that will eventually descend into my lungs and leave me coughing until March or so.

So that's where I am, now. Hacking up a fucking lung every few minutes because the weather changed.

If I lived in a more dramatic climate (re: one of those places where annoying assholes say that they have "real seasons"), I bet it'd be even worse.

So fuck you and your "real seasons." Take your pretty fall colors and your snow and your humidity and shove them up your arrogant, bitchy, superior ass and then shove a shotgun up your ass and pull the fucking trigger, you useless cunt*.

[* = That's "cunt" in both the American and Scottish use of the term; choose the one that best applies to you.]

Long ago, on SNL, there was a fake commercial skit for a product called "the lung brush" (that featured both Phil Hartman and Chris Farley). If you haven't seen it, I can't be bothered to describe it to you, but I really wish I had one right now...