So one of the first few things I saw when I logged on tonight pissed me off. I knew it would happen, but it pissed me off anyway.

One of the next few things I saw made me bitter.

These things combined to make me hostile.

This reminded me of someone telling me that I sounded hostile in my journal a while back. Not in a bad way; it just brought the memory up.

I was going to write something about why I was hostile, but I got distracted. I've since calmed down and am now just annoyed.

I am a jealous person; I've wrestled with it for years. Sometimes I can get a pin or an occasional submission (once even a TKO!), but I lose to it more often than I win, so I try to avoid going up against it. I can also be extremely petty. My jealousy of some people makes me bitter. My pettiness causes my hostility towards others. Often, these things mix and match and feed off of each other.

I don't forgive easily. I can only think of two times I've actually forgiven someone, as opposed to deciding that I actually hadn't been wronged based on the information.

If I feel I've been wronged, I'm unlikely to forget it. I don't have a good memory, in general, but I always remember if I think you fucked me over.

If I'm angry with someone, I usually opt for distance if there has already been a confrontation or I feel a confrontation will be pointless (like when I feel my anger isn't necessarily appropriate, as might be the case with jealousy). Once I've achieved distance, I eventually cool. Often, after the cooling period, contact is re-established with the "offender". This does not imply forgiveness on my part, as I've neither renounced my anger nor have I excused their fault. I've just accepted it and have placed my anger in a nearby drawer. I acess this drawer any time you do something that reminds me of the incident that angered me. After such a long time, any action I take will be small and rarely noticeable. My mood towards you will be (re)soured and I will likely need distance again.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Or something.

If you want to know what this post is about, ask. Otherwise, don't worry about it.