O, Death
O, Death
Won't you spare me over til another year
Well what is this that I can't see
With ice cold hands takin' hold of me
Well I am death, none can excel
I'll open the door to heaven or hell

My sinuses were completely clogged by the time I put my head down Friday night, so I couldn't sleep at all. I closed my eyes several times, to no effect. Even momentary nodding off wasn't possible.

Hours after I got into bed, I got right back out, dressed, packed, and bailed. We grabbed Thea along the way and headed down to Huntington Beach for the handfasting.

Whoa, death someone would pray
Could you wait to call me another day
The children prayed, the preacher preached
Time and mercy is out of your reach

Stopped in Costa Mesa first, though, to grab the Princess and hit a Starbucks. Armored with caffeine (coffee for them, chai for me) and muffins, we made our way to the beach. Found a free spot to park and caught up with everybody quick enough. Ocean air wasn't too brisk and I kept the sand out of my boots until it was time to take them off. Last bits were settled and it was showtime.

I'll fix your feet til you can't walk
I'll lock your jaw til you can't talk
I'll close your eyes so you can't see
This very air, come and go with me

Ceremony itself was very nice. Everyone stood out in the water, words were said and occasionally even heard over the surf. Quite a bit of splashing from the waves, but nothing I hadn't seen before. At least, that's what I'd thought. Later, I'd be reminded of quote from Jason Alexander on Seinfeld: "Oh, the sea was angry that day, my friends..."

Ceremony completed, we went back onto the beach where there was wine and some reasonably popular snacks. We chatted a bit more and then it was time to hit the waves. Extraneous clothes were shucked and off we went, splashing and wading. The waves broke pretty far out, so I went further outward to swim with them. I suppose that should've been a clue.

I'm death I come to take the soul
Leave the body and leave it cold
To draw up the flesh off of the frame
Dirt and worm both have a claim

So, I'm out there having a good time when I realize I'm way the fuck further out than I'd prefer and I decide to come in a bit. No dice. Waves keep coming, keep dragging me out, keep smacking me around. I'm handling it all really well, but I still can't get back in. Now, I've been in this situation before, so I'm not worried. I keep trying to make my way, but I keep getting smacked before I can actually make a decent effort at doing it properly. Now, I'm not a great swimmer, but I can generally handle my shit. Unfortunately, I'm having to wasting a lot of effort on just handling my shit instead of actually making progress. I'm getting physically exhausted.

O, Death
O, Death
Won't you spare me over til another year
My mother came to my bed
Placed a cold towel upon my head
My head is warm my feet are cold
Death is a-movin upon my soul


"Fuck, I need help."

At the time, I was surprised more than anything. I've been a little too tired and a little too far from shore before. I'd even accepted unsolicited assistance once, just to be smart even though I was sure I could deal. Now, I'm right fucked and I've got to figure out how I'm going to get out of it.

Oh, death how you're treatin' me
You've close my eyes so I can't see
Well you're hurtin' my body
You make me cold
You run my life right outta my soul

Saw a boogie boarder nearby and I called out to him. He made his way over to me and began helping me towards shore. At the same time, he was also waving at the lifeguard. I mimicked him. We repeated this a few times, apparently with no effect. Now cursing the lifeguard, he eventually gets me to where my feet can touch the ground. It's then that the lifeguard's actually on the beach in front of me. I walked until the water was at my ankles, collapsed on my hands and knees, and crawled.

People pulled me up, made me walk further up the beach. I collapsed again. I tried to get comfortable, close my eyes. All I wanted to do was be unconscious, but people wouldn't stop bothering me. Moving hurt. Breathing was a challenge. I was asked questions, which I answered. Repeatedly. Someone kept taking my blood pressure. Repeatedly. I was given oxygen. Breathed a bit more. Threw up. Breathed. Buried it. More questions. Breathed. Threw up again. Breathed. Buried it. No one will let me wash my mouth out. Breathed. At some point there was a towel on me, I think. Covered in sand. Just wanted to sleep. Same questions, more breathing. Rolled over. Carried somewhere on a board, which wasn't pleasant. Change to a stretcher, to an ambulance, to a hospital. Voices, people. I think they made me sit up, which gave me a headache. Blood pressure again. The oxygen never stops and I eventually lose interest in losing consciousness.

Oh death please consider my age
Please don't take me at this stage
My wealth is all at your command
If you will move your icy hand
Oh the young, the rich or poor
Hunger like me you know
No wealth, no ruin, no silver no gold
Nothing satisfies me but your soul


Hospital, emergency room. Same round of questions, blood pressure. Some new questions, no more oxygen. I sign some shit. At some point, I'm able to pay attention to things again. I got some Tylenol. Still covered in sand. I got water, finally, to rinse out my mouth. A little later, they let me drink some. It's cold and quenching, but then I can't stop shaking 'cause I'm fucking freezing. Blankets sort of help, but not really. I'm back to normal a good ninety minutes before they let me out.

My evening continues as planned. Rest of the weekend does, too.

Despite having repeated my home number numerous times to several different authority figures, no one ever called the house. Haven't mentioned it to my family. Don't know if I will.

O, death
O, death
Won’t you spare me over til another year
Won’t you spare me over til another year
Won’t you spare me over til another year

Normally, the song gets the last word in one of these posts, but this time we're doing it a little different. 'Sides, the song's too short anyway.

In the water, I was pretty much in the moment; I went from I'm fucked to Hey, there's someone! There wasn't much time between realizing I was fucked and getting my ass saved. After that, all my thoughts were physical; I'm tired, I feel terrible. By the time I hit the hospital, all I felt was humiliation. How could I be such a shitty swimmer? How embarrassing. Everyone must think I'm pathetic.

Anyway, I got over all of that by the time my evening was through. Shit happens. I'm told this sort of thing can fuck with your head, but I haven't experienced any of that. The idea that I might die never entered my head. The thought that I could have died that day hasn't had any effect on me.
I don't really see why it should. Right now I'm just dreading the hospital bill. I've no insurance and no money to pay these people.

My chest and triceps still ache.



"So that happened."
-Alec Baldwin, 'State & Main'