bulb v 1. to suction snot out of the baby's nose. This involves holding the baby's head steady, squirting salt water drops into each nostril, inserting a blue plastic bulb into each nostril, depressing the bulb, and releasing with the very slight chance of successfully clearing the passage 2. to grasp at straws origin: It's a horrible example of verbing a noun. I hate it when people turn nouns into verbs; I can't believe I've started doing it.

Example: Do you think we should bulb him? (Said with a hint of despair at 3 a.m. in the morning after the child has rattled and snorted for an hour and nothing easy has gotten him back to sleep.)

burble v 1. to spit up milk that has just been drunk, warm and normal looking 2. to spit up predigested milk that kind of looks like cottage cheese. n 1. the stuff that came up. 2. more responsibility than I want. origin: the gentle flow of a burbling fountain probably inspired this word. It is a euphamism for if we really think about it, a kind of annoying and disgusting bodily function.

Examples: 1. He was lying on top of me and burbled all over my nightgown and down my arm. It was crazy. 2. I just finished changing him and he turned his head to the wallpaper, grinned, and burbled all over his onsie, so I had to change him again.

burbler n one who burbles a lot (an endearment)

decant v to remove from a sling, especially without waking the sleeping baby. origin: This is based on decanting wine, taking something precious and fragile out of its container. It's also a joke since there's nothing smooth and sophisticated about this process.

Examples: You know if you decant him, he'll just wake up. I think you should keep wearing him.

doublebag v to put a sleep sack over pajamas. origin: from the grocery store using two bags for heavy items.

Example: I think he's getting cold at night; I'm going to doublebag him and see if that helps.

down adj 1. fully, completely, blissfully asleep 2. free, safe, relaxed parents. origin: We didn't invent this one. Haven't we all heard the phrase, "putting the baby down for a nap"? I presume it comes from boxing, being down for the count, as in completely out of the action.

Example: I've tried bouncing, singing, nursing, rocking, having him lie on me, and wearing him; I still can't get him down.

on duty adj being responsible for changing diapers, getting cheese sliced, playing train ride, wiping off hands, bouncing the screaming baby, reading a chapter of Ramona the Pest. . .in other words meeting all of a child's needs. origin: I remember when I was a kid, my mom would go off duty. Sometime in the evening she would say, "OK, I'm off duty. Don't ask me to referee fights, read stories, solve problems. . .I'm not a mom right now." A friend heard us using this term in front of Rose and found it a bit offensive; it implies, obviously, that caretaking is an obligation not always a romp in the tulips. I can see how a child might feel offended, but since Rose hasn't yet learned "duty" has a negative connotation, I hope it just means that parent is available to her. She's certainly heard us say we need a break, nap, worktime, and time out, so she knows sometimes we are off duty.

Example: Just let me run to the bathroom then I'm on duty. I was on duty with both of them for three hours—my longest stint so far.

Note: I serve my relationship better when I jump up and announce, "I'm on duty," in a eager gogetter voice, then when I whine about how much duty I've done.

rattle v 1. to move around restlessly when almost asleep, especially by turning the head from side to side 2. to move around restlessly as a precurser to waking up. 3. to terrify the parents. Origin: the movement makes noise and can make the bed rattle a bit.

Example: He woke me up three times last night; he didn't open his eyes but he wouldn't stop rattling. I was really excited; he rattled and then actually went to sleep. I'm really proud of myself; he rattled and I just turned over and went back to sleep.

Note: rattle only refers to movement while the baby is lying down alone. For similar action while being held by a parent, see squiggle.

sling n a regular sling but in a pretty fabric, with padded bumpers and a padded shoulder used to carry the baby around (we hated the one we had for Rose and love this new one, courtesy of Bob and Jacki) v to carry the baby in the sling. origin: Ask Sears and Sears. They are the current gurus of "attachment" parenting, and they strongly advocate keeping your baby on you at all times but not putting your back out or getting carpel tunnel—ergo the sling. (Our first baby, Rose, must have read their book because she refused to be put down.)

Example: Do you want to take the sling or the frontpack with you? Hand him over and I'll sling him to sleep.

Note: Another horrible example of turning a noun into a verb.

squeegee v to suction snot out of a baby's nose (see bulb) origin: this was an invention of sleep deprivation word association. Squeegeeing a window is not the same action as extracting snot, but it's the word that came to mind as I tried, through the week one haze, to help the baby sleep.

squiggle v 1. to move around restlessly when almost asleep 2. to terrify your parents. origin: a cross between wiggle and squirm.

Examples: He's got his eyes closed, but he's squiggling. He's tanked and I'm trying to get him down, but he won't stop squiggling. Will you take him?

Note: squiggle only refers to motion when physically being held by a parent. For comprabable action when lying down see rattle.

tanked adj. 1. fully fed, having been nursed on both sides for a significant amount of time 2. no longer my responsibility. origin: probably comes from filling up a gas tank.

Examples: You can take him to the store; he's tanked. I don't know why he's still screaming; he's tanked.

train n (actually I'm not sure about this part of speech. It's an adjective masquerading as a noun. Like if you said, "She's a dinosaur." Dinosaur is a noun, but what you mean is she has the characteristics of a dinosaur—big, heavy, and out of date. Hey you wordphiles out there—what's this type of word called?) 1. undernapped, underfed, and overstimulated 2. about to have multiple temper tantrums, any little thing is going to set this child off 3. fair warning. origin: My sister came up with this. When we're talking on the phone and the kids are around, she doesn't want to say, "My kids are a wreck." So, wreck became train wreck became train. Code, you know. It's not quite cockney rhyming slang (apples and pears means stairs), but I bet there's a word for this type of wordplay.

Example: Do you really want me to come over? My kids spent the morning at the park, they didn't get a nap, they just had three cookies, and they are complete trains.

wear v to carry your baby on you with a sling, frontpack, or backpack. origin: It's that Sears and Sears attachment parenting thing. One of their five tenants is to wear your baby.

Examples: I think he's exhausted; hand him over and I'll wear him down.