I was going to call this sexism at the park to keep the flow going, but I think that would be overstating my case.

We were at the park Sunday and ran into a friend of Rose's from school. Halley, four years old, was there for Ian's birthday. I assume Ian was in the same age range. From what I could gather, Ian hadn't been interested in playing with her.

As we chatted around the teeter totters, Ian came racing past yelling to another boy, "Nya nya, you can't catch me."

Halley: "Dad, look what Ian is doing."

Dad: "He's just being a boy. (pause) He's playing chase. (pause) You can play chase too. Girls can play chase."

I think I understand what was happening. Halley wanted to know why Ian rejected her. She wanted her Dad to explain about taunting: what it means, why people do it. I don’t know if she had any issues with chase. Girls run all over the playground at school, but I don’t think I've actually seen them chasing each other.

I get why Dad went with answer number one. Halley was asking why doesn't Ian like me and Dad wanted to say it's not about you; it's about him. Of course, that boxed him into a corner. His "you can play chase too," came out pretty weak.

And when a boy says to Rose, "I won't play with you because you're a girl," or "I won't play with you because you play in a girly way," what should I say?

The answers that come to mind:

1. He's a jerk. (Well actually the word that came to mind was even stronger, but I tempered myself for a general audience.) You're better off not playing with someone like that.

Nothing wrong with the whole walk away approach, but will she believe the problem is in him or internalize his disdain? And is he really a jerk?

2. He's been programmed by our sexist society to denigrate females and their typical sphere. We can try to help him understand how he's been manipulated and work to change society.

No. We are working hard to talk to our highly intelligent and articulate child in an age appropriate manner. This isn't even close. But, it was fun to get off my chest.

3. Offer to play his game for some of the time and your game for some.

This is the standard share solution we use with three and four year olds, but will it work when gender identity is at stake?

4. Let's get an ice cream.

Ok, food as comfort, a big no-no, and it doesn't address any of the issues. It did come to mind though.

5. Sometimes people say things they don't mean.

We tried when she came home and reported that Brian said he wasn't her friend.

6. Ask a bunch of questions: Do you want to play that game? Have you tried that way?

I worry this is still treating her as too mature.

7. Maybe he would want to play with your tunnel and tent. Let's find out.

This actually seems like the most viable answer to me—offer an activity that will appeal to both of them. It doesn't address any of the underlying issues, but it does force them both to cross from separate camps and build a shared history of fun.

I put these ideas in the order I thought of them. It took me this long to come up with a solution I could live with. Any other good ideas?