I am going to do a series of entries about discipline. (And my friends in the BDSM community who accidentally found your way here, no, not that kind of discipline.) I want to figure out what I use to discipline my children, my thinking behind those methods, and whether I could add a few more tricks to my bag. Bopping over the head vs. tossing out the window just doesn’t seem like enough variety.

All this leads to the questions: what is discipline? why discipline?

What is discipline?

Well, in the adult-to-child relationship, it seems to be making the child do what you them to do. Go to sleep. Eat your vegetables. Stop making that really annoying sound where you suck on your teeth. In the best possible world, they want to do it too—Sure, you can quietly color with me on the front porch--or the situation is so well set up that my version is the natural, easy choice. I don’t need to say, “Don’t put a knife in the electric outlet” because the knives are too high for you to reach and the electric outlet is covered. Even though I am absolutely for discipline (and I know there is a parental movement that is not), I’m struggling to find a way to describe it that is less dictatorial and more in keeping with my progressive values.

Why discipline?

Safety: You must hold my hand walking in the street. You can’t play with matches. Because, I don’t want you to die.

Health: Miserably constipated? Well, maybe I should be enforcing the two prune a day rule. Sunscreen or we aren’t going swimming, period.

Social norms: You don’t get to interrupt Grandma in the middle of her story about breaking her foot, gashing her knee, and the fifteen stiches; you can show me your owie next. We can pee in the woods but not behind the tree in the park. . .unless it’s a really big emergency.

Creating a pattern of obedience: This is the one that freaks me out. In my Intro to Education class I learned that schools have bells because they were teaching the kids how to be good factory workers. Stuff like that is called the “hidden curriculum,” and I think a lot of disciplining pretends to be about safety when it’s really about learning to obey authority. I love to be around well behaved polite children, but, ugh, at the cost of creating little yes buttons for whomever has power?

So how do I get my child to obey and question?

Actually, if you’ve been reading this blog or have met my children, you know we are doing really well on the questioning. Obey is not bad. But not willing to leave well enough alone, Debby embarks on the discipline series.

Caveats:

These are not in any particular order. Maybe once I get them all done, I’ll do some categorizing and take votes for “best discipline method for whining in public” or “our favorite discipline choice for getting a four year old to pick the purple playdough off the green rug.”

I have two kids, the oldest just turned four. So, I don’t have much experience past the pre-school years. I make no claims that these methods will work for your kids. Heck, they often don’t work with my kids.

Final note:

Gosh, caveats are a drag. Forget all that. My ideas are fascinating. This will be fun. Let’s go!