1. Most disgusting: poop, puke, or snot?

Poop doesn't really bother me. (Don't tell John or I'm going to be stuck with all the diapers). But aside from having to clutch David's ankle or crawl after him with a wipe, it's a pretty quick, contained process.

Puke, I'm not too fond of. It's always such a shock. Like, whoa, this isn't supposed to be happening. And it smells. And it can be a seriously involved clean-up.

But, in fact, snot is the winner. Yuck, yuck, yuck, I hate snot. I used to think kids with snotty noses were disgusting and had neglectful parents. Now, after realizing how hard it is to keep up with the flow, I just think they are disgusting. Snot gets everywhere—mouth, eyes, hair, shirt, sofa. It's like watching germs crawl all over your skin.

2. Screamed at while taking a shower or getting breakfast?

With breakfast, you've got the "trying to solve it" problem. You pick the baby up while you get the milk and bowl out. The screaming stops. You put the baby down to cut the banana, and things start up again. You also end up eating while standing and bouncing the baby which is not the most conducive to digestion.

I'll go with the shower because the hot water kind of counteracts the tension, and anyway, isn't all the steam clearing out the baby's congestion?

3. Poop on the carpet, blood on your coat, or puke on your shirt?

Hmm. . .that's a hard one. Really, I don't know how to handle any of them. I'm sitting here staring at the poop stain thinking soap and water, carpet cleaner. . . I'll go with the poop I guess because it doesn't scare me. It doesn't shout emergency the way blood does.

4. Bonk on the head or bonk on the nose?

Your neophyte might be thinking, bonk on the head, that's serious, concussion, that sort of stuff. But really, one small gash from the stepstool tumbling on the baby's head, no worries.

But a bonk on the nose, with its attendant nosebleed and fights over Tylenol and fights over ice and whining and the threat of the bruise draining the way it did last year creating three bloody noses and one big barf in the middle of the night, that's the bad one.

5. Crying or whining?

I'll take crying any day. That's just sadness or pain. A good snuggle and we're in business.

But whining, worse than snot. It makes your skin crawl. Plus, it requires decision making. Do I ignore it? Threaten to take away privileges? Try to figure out the underlying cause? Do I run screaming from the room?

So, how did you score?

(Hint: It's a trick quiz. You don't get a choice; you get them all.)