8:30 Wake up.

Hi, hi she says. It’s a soft hi, a happy sound.

She immediately wants to nurse. I’m not so sure she should since we’re trying to push food as the main source of nourishment. But there she is on my breast as John and I discuss it. This wake up feels gratefully late because we had another horrendous night. She couldn’t stay down until around 1. At 5 she wanted her diaper changed, and yes there were lots of feedings in between there.

Cheerios spilled over her high chair tray for breakfast. I eat my cereal and read my book.

She wants down pretty fast. Play in John’s office. Bat the birthday balloons, want to be held, some big yawns.

John and I negotiating with a little edge. He changes her, I shower, and off we go.

10:30 Stroll around the neighborhood.

I keep watching her fingers. Are they twitching? Has she gotten a smooth stillness? I ask passersby and they tell me, no not asleep. Her eyes are still open.

11:30 Home for lunch

She slept maybe ten minutes our whole ride. John pretty much takes over when I walk in the door. Not that he was slacking off before. He’s cooked her vegetables, toasted cheese, started the laundry.

She won’t eat any of it. She finally has two Amy’s pockets. Our daughter eats three foods: spinach pockets, tofu spread, and fish sticks. This is not particularly auspicious.

She plays with her recorder and her kazoo. John and I show her how to use the drumsticks. John lies on the couch and plays peek a boo with her over the edge. I read my book and wish I were asleep.

She takes four steps.

She squats next to the poetry books and has a look of concentration. We’ve noticed she’s moved her pooping to mid-day.

She climbs the stairs and goes back down on her tush. I hide in the bathroom. John’s in charge.

John changes her and I foof her stomach to keep her from screaming. She actually giggles. I keep checking her mouth, but those dang teeth still aren’t in. It’s been a month.

1:10 I nurse her on the futon and she falls asleep easily.

Instead of sleeping I stupidly read this really good book John gave me. Then I get angry because I’m so exhausted. I finally force myself to close my eyes and do yoga breaths.

2:40 wake up

Hi, hi she says.

I hear her. Hi, hi I say from the bedroom and come in. We play the hat game, as in she points at a hat and I try it on. I wear two pink hats at once, spinning the second around. Her eyes dazzle me.

We go downstairs. She plays at her table and I play peek a boo with her from the kitchen. I unload the dishwasher, and she makes a valiant attempt to help, handing me the glass plates from France and reaching for the knives.

I change her with a minimum of fuss though still some.

3:30 John takes her out.

They go to Toys R Us and get a new carseat. I don’t really care what they do. They’re gone for an hour and I write, talk to mom, drink more water. I have no cafeeine today and maybe I should have.

4:30 She comes back

We call Julia several times trying to make plans. Julia and I talk five times a day, so this is typical.

We hold her and wander about I don’t know.

5:00 dinner

We do dinner take one. I read my book and spoon her tofu spread or hand her the waterbottle. She licks the tofu spread off the bread. So much for the sandwich John made her.

5:30 play with me

Lots of stair climbing and wandering room to room. I go out and pick up the sushi.

We call John’s parents and they kvell.

6:30 Dinner with Julia and Miriam

Sushi of course. Rose goes back in her highchair and eats some more. She bats the balloons around.

7:00 Dan arrives

Lots of playing in the livingroom. The girls tussle over the spinning wheel on the play table. We eat ice cream and cake. Rose plays her recorder.


7:45 I get mad and we put her to bed

I’m really mad right now, but I got mad then because we didn’t have a bedtime plan even though I swore we would. John changes her and she won’t let me read her a story; she just wants to nurse to sleep. She goes down immediately. And is asleep fifteen minutes.

8:10 She wakes up

And she’s up for the long stretch. We try now to implement our new sleeping pattern:

massage
story
sing
nurse

It goes fine until nurse and then she absolutely refuses. We walk the halls, sing, offer her bottles of lotion to chew on, deal with her screaming when I try to nurse her and finally she goes down.

9:50 asleep

I’m sorry I’m so pissed and tired and overwhelmed on this the most magical day of the year, but that’s where I am right now.