Teacher Tom and I were just complimenting ourselves on how well the bullying situation had resolved. L. and Rose are great friends. And then Rose told me one story in the coat room, one as we were brushing teeth, and yet one more in the middle of bedtime songs.

1. During outside play, L. insisted on playing doctor with Rose. This involved taking a stick and poking Rose in the eyebrow, up the nose, under the tongue, and in the tushy. Rose said, "Stop, I don't like this game." L said, "If you don't play this with me, I won't be your friend." She then wanted Rose to do it to her. Rose poked her in the tushy.

2. L. insisted that Rose use her chapstick. She said, "If you don't use it, I'll scratch you every day."

3. Ella threw sand on Rose's shoe. Rose said, "Stop." Ella just stood there with a not nice look on her face. L. said, "Do you want me to throw sand on her for you?" Rose said yes and L. threw the sand in Rose's name.

Rose and I talked to teacher Tom. In fact, she really wanted to. She knew the game was dangerous. Sticks near the eyes? Not a good plan. And sticks poking at her tushy? That's on it's way to sexual violence.

Never mind, L.'s problems. I can't do much about them, and there are always going to be bullies. I've got to work Rose's end of things.

The good news:

she knew herself well enough to realize she didn't like what she was being asked to do
she knew she was being pressured
she said stop
she told me and a teacher

The bad news:

she was so afraid of losing L.'s friendship that she let herself be bullied
even worse, she let L. bully in her name

We reviewed strategies: walk away, tell L. you don't want to be her friend if she treats you that way, play with other kids. We talked about how to play doctor with the stethascope and doctor kit. We talked about why each of the things she did weren't safe and/or nice. I told her to tell L. that I said she couldn't use the chapstick because of the germs—use Mommy to help her say no. I really wanted to do some role playing, but she wasn't up for that. I told her she was a nice person, a kind, helpful person. I told her how proud I was of the steps she had taken. I told her we were going to work on assertiveness.