Rose: I can’t wait until summer’s over.
John: Why?
Rose: Swim lessons.

Nope, Rose is not embracing swim lessons with a big hurrah. It’s actually much better than last year when she saw the boy teacher and freaked. I mean, freaked—lots of crying and clinging and real shaking with fear. I ended up in the pool with her class.

This year she got a boy again but managed to spend at least half the class giggling. That’s why I’m nodding and not doing much about her “I don’t like swim lessons” refrain.

In my ideal world, she would learn everything without angst or pain or pressure or fear. I strive for that world. A couple of years ago the pool manager said, “You just dunk them under the water. There will be a few tears, but they’ll get over it.” I thought, “No way. I’m not forcing my child to do something she’s afraid of; we’ll get there slowly and gently.”

And that’s mostly what we’ve done (except for the horrible day last year when the boy teacher told her she couldn’t get out of the pool until she jumped to him and I told her his feelings would be hurt if she didn’t jump to him, and we were both being manipulative assholes in our own gendered way), but she’s older; she’s more stable; she’s more able to handle a little fear. And I think handling the fear will give her the confidence to handle more fear that life will inevitably bring

It’s a delicate balance, right? You want them to overcome the challenge and be proud of themselves, but you don’t want them to dread and resent swimming. Ninety percent of swimming is feeling relaxed and comfortable in the water. Have fun, gosh darn it! Have fun!

So, I’m keeping her in swim lessons because:

1. Swimming is a life skill that I want her to have as soon as possible.
2. We’ve already paid.
3. We’ve organized the next two weeks around this event.
4. I learned to swim at five.
5. She wants to know how to swim.
6. It’s only the first day for heaven’s sake. She was loving it by the end of last summer.

P.S. David and I took the mommy/baby swim class. Neither of us had a particularly good time. Have fun, darn it!