You’re watching right? Come on over to my watercooler and let’s dish.

Penn Jillette—I so admired the man. He’s a brilliant magician. I’ve seen him live and on t.v., but what I appreciate even more is he’s a great writer. We have two or three books by him and Teller. They are erudite, funny, irreverent, and fascinating. If you ever want to know how to make a cake that bleeds, they’ll let you in on the secret. I also loved their movie The Aristocrats. So, I was psyched when I heard he was going to be on the show.

It didn’t bother me that he couldn’t dance. It bothered me that he was a whiny obnoxious jerk that talked back to the judges. Of course, there is a script. The contestants are supposed to stand there as they get critiqued and look respectful and grateful. They are not supposed to be yelling back excuses. I’m not surprised he was the first one eliminated. I am curious what he has to say about the experience.

Adam Carolla—I suppose he appeals to some people. I find his sexist rude comments um sexist and rude. He called one of the judges a bitch. Out!

Steve Guttenberg—It makes me sad to see a C list star. He doesn’t have any current projects to tout. He’s not doing the stay home with the family thing. And, despite being charming, he’s a really bad dancer.

Jason Taylor—He’s got a twinkle in his eye. I thought there was so homophobia going on, but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Christian de la Fuente—There’s some charm. I’m a little tired of the Latin man must be a good dancer joke.

Mario—What a smile! He’s totally charming, follows the rules (like smile at the judges), and is a fabulous dancer. Oh yeah, he’s hot!

Priscilla Presley—Her face gives me the creeps. She looks like she’s had several face lifts and her skin is a frozen mask. I can’t see how she’s going to convey the emotion of the dance with that face.

Shannon Elizabeth—A B level star because her movie was more recent and she seems up and coming. She’s cute. She doesn’t seem to have much else going for her.

Marissa Jaret Winokur—She reminds me of how I used to be, just bubbling over with energy and joie de vivre. (I’m still basically happy but I bubble less.) I’m not sure she has the range for all the dances.

Monica Seles—I think it’s sad she’s out since plenty of the men were worse than her, but for a professional athlete, she didn’t seem very relaxed in her body.

Kristi Yamaguchi—Even though they keep claiming she doesn’t have an unfair advantage, please. She’s a gold medal figure skater, a sport known for grace, musicality, performance, and athleticism.

Marlee Matlin—I love her. She’s my fave so far. I’ve loved her since Children of a Lesser God. I’ve always been in to deaf culture, and it just makes me so happy to see a deaf person getting so much exposure.