Rose had her school birthday celebration yesterday. Those of you who have been following closely realize Rose's birthday is in August, but the teacher wanted to celebrate it in October, and I had just won the homework thing, fine October it is.

I actually really like how Montessori does birthdays. The child brings in pictures of themselves from each year and says something important about that year. Then, in her class, they interview the birthday child—what's your favorite food? what's your favorite game? Everyone then makes a letter wishing the child a happy birthday and connecting to them. A typical letter might say, "I like chocolate chocolate chip cookies too!" The actual letters look more like "I like chokolet cookies to!" but it’s a very sweet idea and great writing practice.

As we were getting ready for bed last night, I asked Rose what they asked her.

Rose: What's your favorite color?
Mommy: What did you say?
Rose: Red and light blue. Really, I like pink and purple best, but boys don't like pink and purple. I didn't want to be lying about myself, but I just couldn't tell them. I do like my red pen and two of my blue pens. I can only tell you, Daddy, Miriam. . .my family what I truly like. I'm too shy.

I tried to validate her choice. I explained how of course it was best to be honest about yourself and not care what other people thought, but everyone doesn't need to know everything. If you don't trust someone with your secrets or special things about you, you don't have to tell them. I told her how I slept with a bear every night and if I knew someone didn't like bears, I might tell them I slept with a cheetah. I do sleep with a cheetah, so it wouldn't be lying, and my bear is too special to me to have people make fun of it.

She didn't buy it. She put her head in her hands and started crying. She wants to live a courageous authentic life, and she wanted me to teach her how, right then, five minutes after bedtime.

The girl is breaking my heart.

We've already had this issue come up once this year with the boys and their judgmental cruel comments. Rose likes an open face caper cheese sandwich for lunch. The boys were teasing her about the capers, so she was ready to forgo them. John suggested a closed sandwich. That worked for lunch, but obviously didn't get to the root of the problem. Of course, the boys shouldn't be mean, but like the bully Rose had to manage two years ago, if you can't change them, you've got to change yourself.

There have certainly been times I have not said what I truly believed for fear of derision. But mostly, I embraced the weirdo label proudly, and if someone didn't like the way I spoke or the colors I wore, I figured it was their problem. (My sister will be happy to tell you about the time I wore a cowboy hat to our prep school and the looks I got.) I'm naturally an extrovert with a huge dose of self-confidence built from being in very safe loving environments and years of success.

My daughter is an introvert. She is in a very safe loving environment, but it doesn't seem to be enough. So, aside from powdermilk biscuits, any suggestions for helping a shy six year old girl proudly announce her favorite color?