My friend Laura Cleland died.

She's the friend whom I was buddies with in college and hadn't spoken to since but had heard regular updates about because Nancy and Annie who I am in close contact with were in close contact with her because Swarthmore is like that and she got nose cancer a basically terminal illness when her kids were two and five, that was three years ago, and she chose to fight hard.

You know my tail? I have that because of Laura. In college, she and Gabby had really short hair and long braided tails. I wanted to look like that, so provocative, so cheerfully out there with her identity. Laura grew her hair out, eventually broke up with Gabby and married Dan, but I kept my tail.

Laura taught me the word "dyke." I was aghast when I heard her refer to herself that way, but she taught me how derogatory terms could be turned around by the oppressed group and used as a source of power.

Laura got a black belt in karate and was a teacher her at her dojo as I plodded my way to black belt in aikido. Yes, she was a role model for me.

And she was a role model in nursing your children as long as you like and facing illness with humor, honesty, and courage.