I'm now on the board of Northwest Dance Network, and I've made it one of my jobs to be a welcome wagon at our live music dances. I try to ask lots of people I don't know to dance. I especially try to ask women because I know how it feels to be sitting on the sidelines hoping someone will ask.

It backfired on me tonight. I went up to a row of women and asked the one on the end. She looked me up and down, paused a beat, and said no. I was truly stunned. It wasn't no thank you, or I'm sitting this one out, it was a very clear, not you. Made even more clear when a man asked her to dance and she said yes.

I'm feeling pretty darn sad because A. I got rejected (though to be fair everyone else I asked said yes, including the woman sitting next to her) B. it was blatant homophobia, and I just don't have to deal with that very much in my life, partially because my life partner is male and partially because most of the circles I run in are not homophobic. It was ugly. And C. Here I thought I was doing a good deed and I very well have been making lots of women uncomfortable. They were just too polite to say so.

I'm not trying to push a gender role free dance world; I have other contexts for that. I'm trying to make everyone happy they came to dance with us. So, I'm still going to ask women to dance, but they are going to be women I know.