Rose is turning 10 Sunday. Yeah! Yippee! Hurrah! At the same time that I see her moving from big kid to tween, and, in fact, on the road to responsible adult, I feel bombarded by articles like this http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/07/02/120702crbo_books_kolbert and anecdotes from friends who teach that tell me parents like me are raising irresponsible, dependent, and miserable adults who cannot cope with adversity. We help out kids too much and the kids never learn to help themselves.

I am actually not in a panic. Rose was born wanting to keep her room clean and get her homework done on time. In addition, I have made some good decisions helping her to be a contributing member of society. From 4-9 she helped clean the bathrooms every two weeks, as did David. They also regularly dusted, swept, and mopped the main rooms. Then I started tutoring in my home and wanted the house cleaned professionally--there went my childrearing gold star. I did try to replace toilet scrubbing with weeding, but since I am not drawn to gardening, it does not happen in the same regular fashion.

Every year, we give the kids one new right and responsibility. This year Rose was allowed to cross a major intersection, so she could walk to the library herself, and she is now in charge of making her own lunch--a project that involves sharp knives.

Rose can be home alone. Without being nagged, she can clear her dishes, do her homework, brush her teeth, and even though she often has trouble falling asleep, knows what sleep strategies work for her. (From a friend who just got back from being a camp counselor, I have learned this is not, by any means, universal).

Even though I don't really need my kids to be chopping the firewood and politely sitting through five hour meals, as the kids in other cultures do, I know I could do more. Here are some values I want my kids to learn:

1. Self-reliance
2. They are not the most important person in the room. Other people exist and matter. In fact, other people's needs might take precedence.
3. Politeness and courtesy
4. Independence
5. Problem solving
6. Coping with disappointment
7. Coping with adversity
8. Responsibility
9. Contributing to the group

Amidst the bombardment of articles on what a dreadful job parents of my generation are doing, I read a nice article on how to guide your child to some of these values. It was called something like 13 for 13 (hey facebook friends, one of you sent it to me. Can you resend?) and described 13 tasks like taking the train by yourself or cooking the family a meal that the author was having her 13 year old do before he earned the right to go gallivanting about by himself.

I have become quite taken with this idea and want to do 10 for 10. Mine aren't so much tests of ability as adding new abilities. Last week I taught Rose how to sort the laundry. This week I taught her how to use the washing machine and had her cook quesadillas. John keeps warning me away from adding a million new chores to her life. He's right, though one or two new chores would be fine. But I do want to come up with 10 fun, intriguing, challenging tasks that would help her learn the above values. What do you recommend?