A few years ago Barry Schwartz wrote a book called The Tyranny of Choice about how too much choice actually causes misery. Here's a summary I found on the net:

We presume that more choices allows us to get exactly what we want, making us happier. While there is no doubt that some choice is better than none, more may quickly become too much. Drawbacks include:

Regret: More options means constantly considering the option we didn't choose--decreasing satisfaction overall.

Adaptation: By becoming accustomed to whatever we've chosen, the availability to more options decreases our satisfaction with our choice.

Unattainable expectations: With increased options, our expectation escalates until we constantly expect to get precisely what we want. Thus anything less than perfect is disappointing, and we blame ourselves (as the decision makers) for our unhappiness.

Paralysis: Too many options can decrease the likelihood of making any decision at all.

All of this came into play as we tried to pick a middle school for Rose. And even though I knew too much choice was causing me stress and anxiety, I had trouble pretending those choices weren't there.

Her middle school options were:

A. The local public middle school. We have one dear friend there doing fine. They offer Spectrum, which means working one year ahead, and Rose would have qualified for it. The library produces a fabulous list of book suggestions that made us excited about being there. She was guaranteed a spot in this school, and they would provide transportation. DOWNSIDE: the school is large and they do a terrible job "selling" it at their open house. You shouldn't judge a school by their sales job, but both times I visited I left feeling overwhelmed by hallways and crowds and underwhelmed by the staff.

B. The local option school, aka, the hippie school. We have several friends currently going here. It is a small school with a very caring, nurturing vibe--very much like our current elementary school. The school puts a lot of emphasis on developing the whole child. They follow many of my tenants of good education, like cross disciplinary work. They also have camps together to build community and go on ski trips. When I listened to the principal speak, I felt that warm thrill of recognition; we shared values about learning. DOWNSIDE: Rose was not guaranteed a spot here. There is a lottery system, and you could get all psyched for this place and not get in. They don't provide transportation, though since we have so many friends and neighbors going here and it is only 10 minutes from our house, this wasn't a huge factor. Because it is so small, there aren't a lot of elective options. And it is so small. When I visited when Rose was in 4th grade, I thought oh how cozy. When I visited when she was in 5th grade, I started to worry that the size might not let her grow. The academics have a reputation for being fine, not stellar, especially the math.

C. The option school across town. I didn't even go look at this one because of the transportation issue, but all the moms on the playground were talking about how it combined the nurturing values with excellent academics. And, it did not seem to have a waiting list.

D. The APP program at the big new school. Oh, tracking. I have read a lot of research about how tracking hurts everyone, not just those stuck in the low tracks, and yet, when my daughter tested into a track that put her working at two grades above level, I jumped to explore this option. The big new school is just gorgeous--bright shiny walls, bright shiny windows. It's big but in an exciting lots to explore way, not the same feel as option A at all. I just can't, with a straight face or clear conscious, make the argument that at this school she would be with other academically focused engaged children moving at a pace appropriate for her, because that has been true currently at her non-tracked school and plenty of those kids are going to options A, B, and C.

And yet, when I saw the book reports the kids were doing and compared them to what she might be asked to do at some of the other schools, there was no question this was more challenging and probably more stimulating. She is guaranteed a spot, they do provide transportation, and her cousin also tested in. My sister was leaning heavily toward this school. We don't have to make all our school decisions together, but it has worked well for us so far. Rose already knows seven people going to this school.

DOWNSIDE: Rose is prone to anxiety and putting her in an environment where some students are guaranteed to be more advanced and possibly faster at getting material than she is, in an atmosphere where she will be asked to push herself, might not be the mentally healthiest choice. I am opposed to homework. The others schools wouldn't have much. This one will. There's a strong chance that the APP program will be moved out of the shiny new building next year. Going to the school that only some people can get into feels elitist. I worry that I will then be surrounded by parents who think their precious snowflake needs lots of special privileges. I worry that I will become one of those parents.

E. The very expensive private hippy school. When I asked my sister, really, what was the difference between the public hippy school and this, she said, DOWNSIDE: 25,000 dollars. John said hell would pretty much have to freeze over. I'm sure they actually have a lot to offer, but we didn't really think too hard about it.

F. The private much less expensive Montessori school. They were very sweet. They're nearby. They have a strong focus on art. The kids all work on a farm. We are currently in a Montessori school, so it would be an easy transition. Did I mention how sweet our student guides and the head of the school were? DOWNSIDE: Frankly, at this point, I was leaning hard to option D, so I didn't think too hard about this one either. It's very small and quite a bit of money, and I don't have a passion for it.

G. A dozen other excellent private schools in our area. We did take one tour of a girl's school, but between the cost, the transportation, and the chance of not getting in, we didn't seriously consider them.

H. homeschooling. Every time I mention this option, my friends look at me as though I'm crazy. But homeschooling is a serious option here in Seattle. There are a ton of resources. It's not like you are sitting at home teaching your kid. It's more like you are driving them from class to class. When I heard she could do drama at The Seattle Children's Theater half days, I was very impressed. I happen to be an English teacher and John is a math teacher. We are exceptionally well set for this gig. DOWNSIDE: Well duh, being a teacher instead of a parent to a tween, ugh. No time for paid work for me. Less time for poetry writing for me. More work maintaining the all critical tween social life.

So, after 8 school tours (some we did twice), a lot of soul searching, talking to friends, and consulting our gut, we decided on Hamilton, the APP school in the big shining building. Now, it's hard to hear about the wonderful options at other schools (adaptation), and I have to keep reminding myself that there is no perfect school (unattainable expectations), that it is all going to fine. And it is all going to be fine. If it's a struggle, it's important that Rose learn how to cope with struggles. If it's a huge ridiculous miserable struggle, we do have other options.