Rose's bat mitzvah is less than two weeks away. I need to restart my breathing now. It's going very well, and it is totally overwhelming.

religious prep

Let's talk about the most important thing first: Rose's ability to lead the service. It's going to be phenomenal. Rose has been tutored on the prayers, Torah portion, and half-Torah portion since January. She's doing great. In fact, she's been in review/maintenance mode for the last two weeks. She knows it all. She never practices as much as she thinks she should, but this is Rose. She has obviously practiced enough because her tutor has cut her sessions in half. She is a much better singer than I am, and she sounds lovely. She wrote her d'var (commentary on the Torah portion), and with the rabbi's help, revised it several times. Again, it's great.

attending services

As part of our preparation for Rose's bat mitzvah, we were supposed to attended 2 bat mitzvah's a month. We didn't quite make those numbers, but we've been to a lot. I've come to love them. I have enough friends and family in the congregation that it doesn't matter that I don't know the person up front. I have community there. As the rabbi promised, I love knowing the flow and rhythm of them. I've always loved the liturgy. Our prayer book has Hebrew on the right hand page and an English poetic interpretation on the left. So, I get to spend a morning reading poetry about truth, justice, care, and celebration. I like taking time out to think about what really matters. But I could get all that at any of our services. What makes a bar or bat mitzvah particularly moving is it is a life cycle event. Before your eyes, you are watching a boy or girl take the first step to adulthood. And you are watching their parents and grandparents and forget the watching you get to be part of helping them across. I cry every time.

the blessing

Talking about crying, as part of the service, John and I get to bless Rose. We wrote our own blessing. We tried to make it both personal and about the big ideas. I'll post it after the bat mitzvah.

a major time commitment

Have you been adding hours?: tutoring 1 hour a week, religious school 5 hours a week, Bat Mitzvahs 3 hours a pop averages 1.25 a week, and then there's practice, worrying about practice, trying on dresses, ordering pizza, etc. etc. As everyone keeps saying, it's like planning a wedding. We had Rose drop piano lessons when we picked up tutoring. Still, it's a huge amount of time for all of us.

inviting everyone

Rose is having her Bat Mitzvah with her cousin Miriam. My sister and I are so excited so thrilled to share this moment that we decided to share it with everyone. Sure, the Jewish friends are coming and the out of town relatives and the kids' school friends, but then we invited all the school friend parents because we love them and the elementary school teachers because we love them and if the plumber is not coming I don't understand why not. Oh and by the way, anyone who is a member of the synagogue is automatically invited. Three hundred people have rsvp'd yes. My sister has been in charge of managing the guest list database. Hard work. As per our synagogue's policy, everyone is invited to the luncheon, but it is kept pretty simple. Oh yes, it is being catered. Once again, my sister did most of the work on that one.

the party

Luckily, both families agreed on our vision for the party--casual. But planning a party for 125 has still been huge. Should we have balloons? What color balloons? In what configuration? I find the hardest part is making decisions about things I know nothing about and where the consequences matter. Like if we overbuy wine, so what? We'll return it or drink it over the next ten years. But if we overbuy pizza, we've wasted food and money. And if we underbuy and some poor child does not get that slice of cheese they were craving. . . Actually, my sister and I are kind of over that one. Everyone will just make due with what we provide. There's going to be plenty of ice cream.

my emergency is your emergency

For months, my sister and I have been trying to pin down vendors. Some like our friend and dj Sean (bless you Sean), got back to us immediately, worked out the details, accepted a deposit (so we knew we were set), and have graciously handled our added notes. (Sean is bemused that the punk song What I Like About You has become a thing at Bat Mitzvahs where you sing what I like about Jew.) Others have forgotten what they promised in the contract, not gotten back to emails in a month, lost the order we sent, etc. My sister and I tried to pin everything down 8 months ago and the vendors thought we were nuts. Now, at 8 days out, my emergency is your emergency.

Seattle on the 20th

You can imagine all the details that are adding to our stress--finding adorable pictures of the girls for a slide show and getting the technology to cooperate, figuring out how many gyros vs. falafel to order, making hair cut appointments, buying dress shoes for David. . . and then there's Seattle on the 20th. It just so happens that the U.S. Open is happening the same day one town over. Hotels in Seattle sold out months ago. And, oh by the way, Hilary Clinton is speaking in town that day. Seattle's already dreadful traffic just got impossible.


handling stress

The first step: recognize that you have stress. When I burst into tears and yelled at the kids as we were trying to get out the door, I kind of got a clue. Also, every night I'm having my standard anxiety dreams: finding myself in front of a classroom and realizing I don't know the subject matter, hunting for a good restaurant and finding only flabby French fries, hunting for a bathroom, running someone down with my car. That one woke me up it was so scary. I'm waking up an hour early and can generally feel it in my stomach. I'm managing it all ok. I can fall asleep fine, so I've decided to go to sleep earlier to make up for the morning problem. I'm getting lots of exercise and getting lots of help. On the playground yesterday one friend said I promise not to eat anything at the party if you are running out. I said thank you.

coming up

rehearsals, shopping for wine, shopping for sushi, cleaning the house, cleaning the front porch, cleaning the backyard, mowing (when am I mowing?!), more rehearsals, practicing my blessing, figuring out what earrings for what night, keeping Rose calm and happy, greeting all my best beloved flying in for the next two weeks, celebrating.