I feel like I've lived a lifetime in the last few days. My sister mentioned that she had been envisioning the girls having a bat mitzvah together since we joined the synagogue eight years ago. She figured there was no way it could live up to her level of expectation. I don't know about her, but it exceeded all my expectations. On the Thursday before I told a friend that I didn't want to focus on the petty stuff--did my nylons fit? had we made enough brownies?--I wanted a transcendent spiritual experience. I got one; I got one hundred.

the baseball game

It all started to become real at the Mariner's game Wednesday night. My cousin Rebecca is a big baseball fan. We arranged to go to the game with her and 15 of our nearest and dearest. In addition to being at a major league baseball game, which we've only done as a family once before, there were my lovely cousins from Philadelphia who I hadn't seen in over a year. It was a like a magical door opened, and they walked through. That door was open the entire week-end.

the party's all happening somewhere else

I kept hearing about the cousins and aunts and uncles arriving in town. I saw their adorable pictures on facebook from visiting the market or the ferry boats, and I did have this sinking feeling that the party was happening without me. I was home worrying whether my counters were scrubbed, and people I loved who had flown thousands of miles were here in town playing without me. I got over it. First, the counters did need scrubbing. Second, there were so many sets of relatives, that I had to accept that there was no way I could hang with all of them every minute. After I got my nails, I wanted a nap, not a trip to the Chihuly museum. Third, I decided to go for Seattle pride. I loved taking a vicarious trip around Seattle through their postings. I loved how much fun they were having in my city.

nails

One thing I did well with all the festivities was leave time for exercise. So, Julia and I scheduled a nail day with all our children and mom, but we did it after jazzercise. Actually, David hadn't originally planned on a morning at the salon, but when he saw how much fun the massage chairs were, he was all in. This was a great relief to me because his nails were atrocious and after getting them cleaned, clipped, and buffed, they looked lovely.

We spent three hours on the manis and pedis. That's an exhausting amount of primping. Luckily, Rose brought some madlibs and logic books to entertain us. Some of us left with very cute flowers on our toes.


formal photos

This event involved so many decisions. As you know from the previous entry, it was overwhelming. But once things started to roll, all the decisions felt like exactly the right ones. Of course, that's the dress you should wear for the Bat Mitzvah. Of course, Lauren should do an aliyah. Of course, we should have formal photos and hire our friend's grandpa to do them.

Elliot, our friend and photographer, is so nice and easy going. We had him join us at the synagogue before the final rehearsal. He took a bunch of posed photos outside, and then took photos during the rehearsal. (Photos aren't allowed during the service.) He had the photos back to us by that evening, and they are stunning. We all look exactly as one might hope for such an event--gorgeous, full of love for each other, aware of the import of this moment.

Friday morning rehearsal

Rose and Miriam's first rehearsal the Thursday before went extremely well, so I wasn't worried about this one. The big difference was the extra participants. All the grandparents got to pass down the torah, l'dor v'dor, from generation to generation. This is the part of the service where I always cry, even if I don't know the family. The rabbi talks about it as a continuation of the passing down from Mt. Sinai, but for me, it's powerful enough to just see three generations carrying on this tradition.

Aunt Sissy!

Rose and Miriam only had one small job at Friday night services, but we invited everyone anyway. I was standing at the doorway to the synagogue and up walks Aunt Sissy. Now, I knew Aunt Sissy was coming. But knowing it on paper and seeing her in person are totally different things. I hadn't seen her in two years since the last bar mitzvah. I couldn't stop hugging her and all the relatives. I was awestruck. Mom says she was speechless. All week-end I kept looking around at these people who are so interesting and have so much shared history with me. I loved hearing them tell the story of where they were when they heard I was born. I loved having them kvell about Rose and Miriam.

David, the exemplary little brother

David has never sat through a service without reading his book, and for any kid, any person, it's hard to have all the attention on their big sister. David has been fantastic. I feel like he matured exponentially this week-end. (He's now miserably sick, so I think we may have dropped back down a few notches.) He got dressed in his party clothes even the new black shoes, smiled for photos, paid attention for all the services, and answered when strangers talked to him. I even heard him chanting the v'ahavta. He was so proud of his sister, so happy to be part of the event. I am so proud of him.

the best bat mitzvah ever

Roseanne Hirokawa came up to us after the service and said she had been coming to Saturday morning services for 42 years, and this was the best bat mitzvah she had ever seen. I wasn't even insulted that she was saying Rose's was better than mine, which she had also seen. Rose and Miriam were phenomenal. The girls led with such poise. They were slow and clear as they read the prayers. They actually looked up and made eye contact. Their singing voices for the prayers and chanting the torah were exquisite, and their d'vars, the commentaries on the torah, were insightful, sophisticated, and well written. I have found all bar and bat mitzvahs extremely moving because you are with this child and family at such a significant moment. But I can't say that all of them led powerful worships services. Our girls did.

carried in the arms of love

If you read my earlier post, you know we invited 300 of our nearest and dearest. Having them all there was part of what made the service phenomenal. I asked everyone to come with ruach, spirit, even if they didn't know the service. They did. I felt carried in their arms. As Rose carried the torah around the sanctuary, I stopped and hugged a dear friend from childhood. I made eye contact with a friend from work. I saw the Jewish hiking club friends, dance friends, Rose's piano teacher. All my friends told me our blessing of Rose made them cry. I felt them with me in that moment.

take a mental snapshot

The rabbi warned us that the service would fly by, and we would need to take some mental snapshots. I tried. I have David beaming up at me when I was on the bima; Rose moving the yad word by word through the torah, never faltering, her voice soaring through the sanctuary; watching Rose's feet that didn't wiggle the way mine did at my bat mitzvah; David slowly closing the ark in time with the choir; the professional singers in the choir harmonizing on Shalom Rav--talk about soaring; thinking of Chama during the kaddish; looking out at the congregation that went on and on; Dan embracing Miriam and Julia in his tallis.

the luncheon

I want to give a big shout out for my dessert makers. When I was growing up, all the bat mitzvah luncheons were made by the family with lots and lots of support from the rest of the congregation. Those days are mostly gone. We all hire caterers. Actually, the same caterers because there are strict limits on what you can serve. But in addition to the bagels, lox, roasted vegetable salad, and hummus, we often have friends make a few extra desserts. We made brownies for Lauren's bat mitzvah. Judi made gluten-free rice krispie treats for ours. Alisa made gluten-free chocolate cookies, and several friends made gluten desserts. They all disappeared.

I tried to talk to, hug, thank everyone who came to the service, but I know I missed a few. I needed more time.

the party

Luckily, I had more time. The festivities were not over. Oh no, no way over. We went home and had a power nap, changed into our dancing/climbing clothes (a difficult outfit to put together), and headed out to the party. If you are used to east coast bat mitzvah parties, this one will strike you as pretty strange--way casual. We had it at The Mountaineers club and had it catered by food trucks--pizza and gyros, oh and the Ben & Jerry's ice cream sundae bar truck. We had plastic cups and forks though we did rent purple and lavender tablecloths and decorated with bouquets of balloons. It was such a blast.

We hired a photobooth, which is quickly becoming my favorite part of bat mitzvah parties--lots of silly faces and feather boas--and hired belayers to let everyone climb the wall. Our friend Sean created a great atmosphere with his djing. If you listened closely as the wall climbing was going on, he totally matched the theme. While he played a horah, we had "dance honors." If you flew here on a plane, come dance with the girls! If you knew them before they were one, come dance with the girls! Then Sean taught a swing dance class with the girls as his partners. There was some serious competition with the ice cream sundae bar, but we definitely got a critical mass dancing. And after awhile, we had a lot of dancing. Someone commented that the girls didn't seem to mind that the grown-ups were shaking a tail feather too. This totally didn't surprise me; with our crowd of friends, we have family dance parties all the time.

the brunch

You think the party was over? Oh no. Sunday morning the grandparents put on a brunch for all the out of town relatives and visiting friends. It was lovely. I got a chance to play with my relatives at the last party, but I got to talk to them at this one.

I also got a chance to sell them all my book. My relatives were very generous with me. We ended up having an impromptu poetry reading. Truly, I had not rehearsed and was not expecting it. It was stunning to read a poem about my grandparents to their children, a poem about my now dead uncle to his siblings. We all cried.

Then my godfather and cousin pulled out a guitar and ukulele and we had a sing along. I love singing old folk songs with my friends. All this excitement was the upstairs crowd. The kid cousins all hung out downstairs playing games.

what went wrong

We had too much left over pizza Friday night. We forgot the table tents at synagogue. The photobooth operator was late and grumpy. In other words, nothing.