Can I just say...I hate election years?

This year seems particularly divisive, but the truth of the matter is they're all divisive. Hell, in 2000 we weren't even aware of how amazingly divided the country was until after the results came in - cut right down the middle like a giant axe-wound, the closest U.S. election in modern times. Damn this 2-party majority-vote electoral system!

I just hate the duality of it all. Complex human beings taking sides on either side of a simple arbitrary line drawn in the sand. Us and Them. Dems & Republicans. The have's & the have-mores (as dubya would put it.) Justice & Greed.

...Sorry, 'couldn't help myself. See how divisive I am?

What I hate the most is how elections bring politics to a head to adversely affect otherwise chill friendships. I like to think I have good taste and good instincts in friends, but you can only avoid
religion and politics so long.

Next thing you know, it's 1AM and you're sitting in a booth in Hollywood with a group of friends - half of them liberal, half of them conservative. You're stewing in the awkward quiet following an unexpected storm of spirited, tense debate about where we're heading as a nation, whether Iraq was just, whether the economy is Bush's fault, blah blah friggin blah.

Sheesh. And all I wanted was a few rounds of G&T's, making more memories with people I already share good memories with. Is that so much to ask?

Instead, you walk out the door feeling something akin to learning a girlfriend cheated on you: Once you know, once it's out there - there's no going back. Much as you'd like, you can't unlearn it.

I feel like the party's over. We all gotta grow up sometime, right? Let the political party begin.

Take yesterday morning. I woke up in a crappy mood only to receive the latest in a series of obnoxious mass-emails sent by an outspoken high school friend of mine who recently has decided to take the entire
Bush/Cheney reelection campaign on his shoulders. I couldn't take it anymore. I blocked him. Later at work, my other buddy Greg and I had the following e-mail exchange (some names have been changed to protect the innocent. Except Dodger pitcher Darren Dreifort, who deserves all the shame and scorn he deserves):

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(first, the mass-email we both got)

From: John Ashcroft, Jr.
Sent: Tuesday, August 17, 2004 8:06 AM
To: Dickie Cronkite & Friends
Subject: A Little Good Ol Profiling

Dear Friends,

So I found out some interesting terrorist info last night. No not on the news but from a reliable source.

In socal last week there was a terrorist working at a big corporation in their IT department. He was using their huge amount of bandwidth to pass along info. In fact I was told that the beheadings were in fact put out onto the internet in this fashion.

So... take a different route to the coffee machine, or bathroom, oh hell just go down to the basement and start asking those H1-B's some questions.

Where were you on September 10th? Do you believe in Jesus Christ? Are you voting for John Kerry?

I hear if you capture a terrorist you win a round of speed golf with W. and H.W. Dude that would be so sweet.

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From: Greg
sent: 08/17/2004 10:32 AM
To: Dickie Cronkite
Subject: RE: FW: A Little Good Ol Profiling.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Im not sure how to react to this.

Oh, and yes, Dreifort officially has a number on his head. Gagne = game over. Dreifort = game over, except we lost.

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From: Dickie Cronkite
Sent: 8/17/2004 10:46 AM
To: Greg
Subject: RE: FW: A Little Good Ol Profiling.

Dodger Blues has the perfect headline.

(Editor's note: The headline was "Dreifort has x-rated pictures of [Manager Jim] Tracy," referring to why in God's name Dreifort would be out on the mound to begin with)

Well, I can tell you how I reacted to it. That wasn't the straw that broke the camels back, that was the big ol' pile o' 2x4s dropped from a construction site onto the poor, unsuspecting camel that crushed and splattered its remains all over the dusty ground.... I blocked him.

Although I gotta admit - I'm not sure what an H1-B is - do you know? Regardless, it was grounds for dismissal.

I predict [John Ashcroft, Jr.] pulls a Tim McVeigh in the next 30 years.

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From: Greg
Sent:8/17/2004 12:28 PM
To: Dickie Cronkite
Subject: RE: FW: A Little Good Ol Profiling.

I give him 10 years. Dude is so far off his fucking rocker.

And no, I have no idea what an H1-B is.


-------------------------------------------

From: Dickie Cronkite
Sent: 8/17/2004 12:55PM
To: Greg
Subject: RE: FW: A Little Good Ol Profiling.

For some reaon I keep reading the "1" like an "I" and think it's "Hi-B" sort of like shorthand for "Haibib" ...but who knows. Banned. I may even go out on a limb and say [John Ashcroft, Jr] is in lower standing than Darren Dreifort. (ouch!)

Seriously, no, SERIOUSLY that email is nuts. Like, what the hell is he talking about exactly and why does he feel the need to send it to everyone he knows? Does he really want me to go question all the dark-skinned IT people I know or something? These are the people that support Bush, and Jesus Christ that is why Bush has gotta go.

[end of record]
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I guess if there's a silver lining in all this, it's that it brings you closer in tune to your more like-minded friends. ...And the cycle of divisiveness continues!