This morning, as I was about to leave my cozy domicile, the friendly public radio lady announced a temp of 8 degrees.

[chuckle] Silly lady. '8 degrees.' As if! What a kidder.

I walk outside. First, my head implodes.

Next, I look around for the Main Lodge. Hm, no luck. I check for the lift ticket counter. Still no dice. Ski rentals: negative. Strangely, I don't see any mountains around me either.

This makes no sense. At 8 degrees, we have to be at least a mile above sea level. 'Turns out Chicago comes in at a whopping 673 feet of max elevation.

As I stand on the platform waiting a half-hour for the goddamned purple line, watching brown-line train after brown-line train pass by, it dawns on me: 1.) This is unacceptable, and 2.) I've officially landed in Bizarro-World.

And yes, I have been called a "whiner" - a complainer. Some have gone so far as to label me a "weak-ass punk bitch." But frankly, I'm just trying to report the meteorological atrocities occuring within our borders. The public has a right to know.

Seriously, who's brilliant idea was it to put a major metropolitan area here? It's 8 degrees! Did you hear me? 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8. There, that's it. That's all we got. My head hurts so much that my brain can't process that I can't feel my hands or feet. I'm not gonna make it.

Cronkette: I want you to live on, to lead a happy, full life. It's too late for me. Tell our children their daddy loved them very, very much.


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And now that you've endured my rant here's you reward. I found this little exercise, courtesy of my Friday morning econ seminar, pretty interesting.

1.) Keep the three bucks you pay at Starbucks every morning in your pocket. Tell them to take their venti lattes and shove it where the java don't shine. (That's $93/mo.)

2.) Put the savings in an IRA with 9 percent compounded interest.

3.) Repeat steps one and two for fifty years. (That's the tough part.)

Boom. Enjoy a savings of $1,085,226 dollars. After inflation, that's $223,650. You don't trust my math? Punch it in yourselves. Get to saving, and don't say I never look out for you. Daddy needs a new pair of shoes.


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'Just saw Hotel Rwanda. Heartbreaking. Incredible. Go see it.