"We are moving toward a 'dictatorship of relativism' . . . that recognizes nothing definite and leaves only one's own ego and one's own desires as the final measure."

--Joseph Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI

"Dude, what's up with that creepy old guy in the E-Harmony commercials?"

--Dickie Cronkite


So Saturday night I hung out with my cousin and her fiance, up at their new house in Northeast. Good times, good laughs, over BBQ. Ben is really a stand-up guy - I think he's gonna be awesome for the cuz. And I'm not just saying that 'cause he's a senior producer at C-SPAN.

They had another guy-friend of Ben's over, and Dawn first quizzed me on how the whole romance scene was going. Of course, as a wannabe journalist, I dutifully reported the sad truth as accurately as possible.

Editor's note: HA!

Hey, shut up Editor. I just got here a few weeks ago. And I was really on to something new in Chi-town before I had to pack up and leave. Maybe I don't have game, but hey - at least I can blame it on not being in any one place for more than six months, alright??

Then Dawn asks Ben's friend how things were going with the ladies.

Who proceeds to tell us he's had three different dates this past week. (He's really impressed with the last one, aka "Thursday.")

I accidentally drop my rib on their new rug. (whoops.)

Then his truth comes out - this is all orchestrated through the Salon online dating forum.

Okay.

Look. I think Ratzinger's an old fogey, refusing to acknowledge the advance of culture, disregarding Christianity's inevitable evolution (yes, evolution) as civilization marches on. Doing his best to nail the Church to the floor; incapable of understanding the difference between the symbiotic relationship of Church with culture vs. an outright caving-in of the Church to culture. Emotionally stunted, as a human being.

His staunch absolutism is the last thing we need in this changing, complex world.

...But then I think about online dating.

And suddenly, ol' Ratz has a point.

I mean, isn't this cheating?

When a guy brags that he's had three different dates in the last week, I mean, it doesn't really mean he's got game if he's working this deal over a friggin computer terminal, right?

And years from now, even as computers and technology progress to suit our everday needs in more practical ways, I do NOT want to tell my children I met mommy in a private chat room.

No, I want to say I passed her in the hall, sucked it up, examined the size of my testicles, took a deep breath, turned around, and asked the prettiest girl I've ever seen if she wanted to go get a drink sometime.

That's how it's done. That's the payoff.

This is getting out of control. More and more people I know are caving - turning on their wireless connection to make a love connection. It's just weird.

And I gotta admit, part of it's tempting. But it's still the easy way out. It's a shortcut.

So Ratz, buddy - here's to you. I'm with you, your Worshipfulness. Some things don't change. Some traditions are timeless, no matter how much convenience we're afforded in these modern times.

So I'm gonna keep on keeping-on, and boldly watch everyone around me hook up, finding their happiness and fulfillment via cyberspace.

Godspeed.

Domini nobis pacem Amen (Bust out the incense.)