It's official: We can't all just get along. What happens when you mix Pacific with Atlantic?

[drumroll please...]

Otitis Externa

Outer ear infection

Swimmers Ear.

"You have been diagnosed as having otitis externa ('swimmers ear'). Otitis externa is a bacterial (germ) or fungal infection of the outer ear canal (from the eardrum to the outside of the ear). Swimming in dirty water may cause swimmers ear. It also may be caused by moisture in the ear from water remaining after swimming or bathing. Often the first signs of infection may be itching in the ear canal. This may be associated with pus like drainage from the canal."

Now who wants a hug?

That's right, you get a real fuckin' pain in the ass. I knew I had problems today when I started feeling like my noggin was gonna explode - like the navy seal in The Abyss who launches the escape craft to the surface.

Editor's note: Why does he always reference that movie? It's not like he ever watches the goddamn thing.

To all of my posse bitching about sunburns...did you just spend three and a half hours in the emergency room? Did you? Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought, bitches.

I swear, I'm a real fuckin' mess these days. A brace on the ankle, antibiotics in the ear canal. I'm falling apart.

Well, it could be worse - at least all of this crap is happening up here. I could be sitting in some underground clinic in Caracas, trying to tell some Cuban doctor, "senor, el oido...es que me siento como mi pinche cabeza vaya a explotar. conyo! dame la medicina! dame la medicina!" Then he'd go outside, pick some weeds, grind them up, and shove 'em in my ear. 'Can't wait.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pull a Van Gogh.