Editors' note: After careful deliberation, Dickie decided to go with press freedoms over national security, and he's re-posting his Dec. 19 entry. He would like to apologize for any confusion, and he appreciates the demand for its return from his three readers. Even though he can't understand how anything he writes at this point is interesting. I mean seriously, the last week he's just been doing one of three things: 1.) Sending off resumes 2.) Sitting around in his boxers watching DVD re-runs of "24" on his laptop, or 3.) Bitching on the phone to his friends about a.) how so much has changed, b.) how he's freaking out about it, and c.) how he has no idea what the fuck he's gonna do. We're telling you now: We tried to warn him this would happen. But he just smiled and starting rambling something incoherent about Hugo Chavez. Now he's fucked. While he has blogging friends who can seriously make their bathing habits sound interesting, well, he just has no idea how to do that. 'Not a lot of talent over here. So he apologizes. He promises a new post soon.

Anyhow, without further ado - here's that riveting Dec. 19 post:

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Long-time listener "Frosty" writes (unfortunately):

"Hey Colostomy-bag Cronkite? What the hell are you doing? Any leads on a job yet, or are you begging for your Novica gig back?"

Well, yes - I've got one promising lead, but I don't wanna jinx it. 'Would rather keep it under wraps, G'tmo/CIA overseas torture prison-style.... Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make some secret wiretaps on U.S. citizens.

What I can tell you is that government agent Jack Bauer at the Counter Terrorist Unit sure kicks ass! Wow! At 12am on the day of the California presidential primary? He learns of a plot to assasinate a candidate, then his daughter and later his wife are kidnapped by the bad guys, forcing Jack to participate in their plan. But with quick thinking under tremendous pressure, Jack foils the plot and rescues his family.

Oh, but then there were more bad guys plus a couple of dirty CTU agents on the inside, so he basically has to do the same thing over again except this time his wife gets killed thee end.

*sigh*

Yes, the same guy who just two weeks ago, while stuck in a third-world country, was accused of being a CIA operative during a tense protest march with virulent anti-American undertones is now sitting at home in his boxers watching marathon reruns of "24." Life's funny sometimes.

Each season includes 24 one-hour episodes. I burned through season season one in two days.

...

*sigh*

Hey, you asked.


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Bertha and I got out in the water yesterday. I told my buddy Joe, "First wave I'm totally eating shit." But instead I caught a great ride! And then? And then? I proceeded to eat shit on every other wave. What can I say - they were breaking fast.


Hm, what else is going on...

Well, let's put it this way: Some people prefer slowly sticking needles through their eyeballs. Others prefer lunch with their ex to learn how much happier she is with her new boyfriend. Either way, you pretty much get the same results. (And since I can still read the computer screen, I guess I fall into that second camp?)

So the frozen tundra of Chi-town beckons. For reasons of national security, the trip has been moved up and it looks like I'm driving out first day after Christmas. Which means I need to do some serious scrambling this week. Which means I need to get some more resumes out there, 'get a lot of that taken care of in advance.

Which means I need to waste more time losing readers by writing about "24." Stay tuned for Season 2 - this time there's a nuclear bomb in play and-

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Editors' note: Dickie has since chilled on that driving-out-first-thing-after Christmas idea. Too much pressure. Now he's flying out for a job interview on the 29th, staying in Chi-town through New Year's, flying home...then driving back. At a leisurely pace - that's the key reason; a three-day mad dash across the country during winter is probably not the best preparation for an important interview. Of course, we heard this plan and told him his life was insane and he said "What the fuck else is new."