If I write a new post, that'll stop the plague of "curling" comments infecting this blog, right?

(Nery, I have your computer rigged so the second you type the letter "c" your monitor blows up. Don't try it.)

I'm enjoying the first lazy morning of a three-day weekend. woo-hoo! Well...technically it's one of those three-day weekends where you get Friday off and work all day Sunday. But I'm not gonna let that ruin my three-day weekend, goddammit.

So, time for a little Friday morning boxer-blogging in front of the tube. First off, Cartoongate. Here's an interesting take on the clusterfu- er, problem:

"In the minds of many Muslims in Europe, the cartoons were intentionally inflammatory, published to further humiliate an ethnic and religious minority that has been socially and economically repressed for decades...

"...the sad irony is that the Muslims who have resorted to violence in response to this offense are merely reaffirming the stereotypes advanced by the cartoons. Likewise, the Europeans who point to the Muslim reaction as proof that, in the words of the popular Dutch blogger Mike Tidmus, "Islam probably has no place in Europe," have reaffirmed the stereotype of Europeans as aggressively anti-Islamic. It is this common attitude among Europeans that has led to the marginalization of Muslim communities there, which in turn has fed the isolationism and destructive behavior of European Muslims, which has then reinforced European prejudices against Islam. It is a Gordian knot that has become almost impossible to untangle."

Man, that sucks! Here's another interesting take, from the God's Country Times:

"Where do we go from here? Unfortunately, the damage on all sides has been done. If the Danish government offers an apology, Muslims will be viewed as bullies capable, through their use of violence, of squashing free speech. If the Danes refuse to apologize, the West will be viewed as the victor over a fanatic religion that must be put in its place. Either outcome spells disaster for Muslims in non-Muslim public opinion."

Can't we all just get along? What a clusterfuck.


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Next up: Libbygate. Christ - the man just said his "superiors" authorized the media links! I don't care if you're conservative or liberal - that's huge. Any doubt who the fucking "superiors" are here? So why the eff isn't this all over the airwaves?! It's not! I'm doing the boxers and general scruffiness thing in front of the tube right now, and besides occasional updates on CNN...nothing. Let's get Iran-Contra on this bitch!

Hell, check their homepage - you won't find it. A story implicating the VP of the United States, and it dropped off faster than Barry Pepper's career post-Battlefield Earth. You will learn, however, that ABC anchor Elizabeth Vargas is pregnant. Well that's great.

*Sigh* Why am I not running fucking CNN? Hell, why isn't the guy who's flipping burgers across the street? This isn't exactly rocket science.

Incidentally, this is the AP photo Yahoo News ran when the story broke last night:



Eggselent. Can't you just see the staff meetings? "Um, Mr. Vice President, we need to work on image. We have concerns you might be, well, snarling too much on camera. Even in the rural Midwest, people are starting to suspect you're the diabolical mastermind running the country. This might be a problem."

Wow, and he's not running in '08. Shocking.


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Next up, Browngate. Horse enthusiast and former FEMA douchebag Michael Brown is doing the honorable thing: Using Senate hearings to blame the other guy. He even brought up cousin Russell, at which point I started punching the TV screen in some voodoo-type way, but it didn't seem to affect him. You're doing a hell of a job, Brownie.


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And finally...when did I become old? When did I become The Man?

One of the cities I cover is installing security cams in their local parks, to curb ongoing vandalism. I don't know, I think kids were hittin' each other or something. (Actually, they were using blowtorches to melt plastic garbage cans, which you gotta admire.)

I hit a local park, armed with my ID badge and trusty iPod digital recorder and dressed like a true Banana Republican.

Looking back on it now...why was I so surprised the teenagers at the skate park had zero interest in talking? They couldn't have fled faster if I was wearing an "I HAVE BIRD FLU!" sign.

The best part is I have it all on tape: "Hey guys, what's up?" It's cringe-worthy; you can hear it in my voice - I think I'm hip, cool - 'withit. Just really sad, as they skate off and I say, "Are you sure you don't wanna talk?" 28 feels like this strange young-adult limbo. Thing is, I wish I could go backwards instead of closer to 30, when the door to any remote connection with hipness officially slams shut.


Last night at the Rite-Aid checkout line, the lady didn't even card me for my delicious Popov-brand vodka. She just gave me a warm smile and added, "Have a great night!"

Fucking bitch.