Resolved: If there's a way to ease into the work week on a Monday morning, it's walking the links with The Michael Jordan of Golf.

In my 29 years of existence, I've learned foresight, anticipation - preparedness. That's why I decided not to bring sunblock. Good thing it's 100 degrees at the beginning of May. I will now punch myself in the face.

Golden Bear, meet Very Golden Bear. Pass the aloe.

Jack was christening his new signature course out here, and they mic'd his shirt so he could comment on strategy, make fun of himself whenever he shanked a shot**, or just gaze silently whenever he drilled the most perfect fucking golf drive you've ever seen in your life.

Imagine getting free tips from the greatest golfer in history...tips that won't ever make a shred of difference in your game. I am a terrible, terrible golfer, and I've long accepted that golf is the one thing in life that Dickie, Sr. does better than me. The one thing.

And I'm glad we can all agree that golf is a game, not a sport. The most difficult, agonizing, frustrating, unpredictable, incomprehensible, unforgiving game invented by man (or, come to think of it, woman). A game requiring strategy, skill and god-like hand-eye coordination. But a game, nothing more. Thank God we're all on the same page on that one.



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Hey look, the Lakers are getting thrashed by the Suns. And Kwame Brown's being investigated for an alleged sexual assault incident this weekend. Awesome. Seriously - again?? What exactly is Phil teaching these guys?




**Still ten-times better than the best shot any of us sorry fucks could ever make